The Gryffindor Oracle
by Abigail-Nicole
Summary: Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of...
1. 1st Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Blondes, Brunettes...Greens?**

The latest prank on the Slytherin population has the whole school in an uproar, writes Sirius Black, Gryffindor Oracle correspondent. To the surprise of (cough) the entire school, the Slytherins woke up this morning to find their hair in an appalling shade of...green. 

"I am absolutely outraged about this," Lucius Malfoy, fifth year, spat at your worried reporter. "If this is another bloody prank of yours, Black, you better change back right NOW!" _(for further accounts of Malfoy's school records and number of Dark Arts books found in his possession, turn to page 17)_

"Personally, I think it's an improvement," said James Potter, Gryffindor starting Seeker. "And no none can doubt that Snape's hair now looks much better than the grease it was before." 

Many students seem to agree with Potter's sentiment. "I thought it was funny," Frank Longbottom said frankly (no pun intended). "A little harmless pranking never hurt anyone." 

Some tried to put on a semblance of stenness. "This was against Hogwarts rules," a disapproving Lily Evans told yoru reporter, while trying to hide a smile, but being unsuccessful. 

But who is behind this prank? 

"There's no doubt about it, Black," Snivellus...Severus Snape drawled. "You, Black, You and the rest of those idiotic Marauders..." But Snape's warning was met with much skepticisim. 

"I can't believe the Marauders would do something like this," simpered Kerry Ferdana, Hufflepuff. "They're so sweet and cute and hot..." she said while smiling seductively at your reporter. "Would you like to come see my dorm room?" 

Your Oracle reporter hastily escaped the attentions of Ferdana to gather one final word from Professor McGonagall. "If I find who is responsible for this atrocious rule-breaking," she said clearly, "then that person or persons will be punished severely. Anyone with any information should report it to me."  


* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony**

Dear Moony,   
I have a crush on a really popular guy, but he doesn't even seem to notice me. Can you help me?   
-Gryffindor Lovesick 

Dear Gryffindor Lovesick,   
It wouldn't happen to be...a Marauder, would it?   
Erm...you should...um...maybe...er...seek professional help or something. Ask your girl friends. Do I look like a woman here?   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
What's the answer to number ten on that potions homework?   
-Puzzled in Potions 

Dear Puzzled in Potions ,  
Do I look like a textbook? The answers are in the back of the book, hello!  
Moony

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...

**Lion's Roar **

This is your gossip columnists, Alice Remerta, here with the love stories of the week. Well, everyone's favorite foursome of Gryffindors--the Marauders--are on another fling this week. Sirius Black and Fiona Landon are together this week, and have been seen snogging all over the common room at all hours of the night. Could the trickster have found true love at last? 

And the Gryffindor Seeker, James Potter, has found a girl he can't get! Reports have it that he is eagerly pursuing prefect Lily Evans, who flatly ignores him. "James Potter is an egotistical, big-headed, idiot," she told your columnist flatly. "I would rather date the giant squid than him." 

Love hate relationships...the best kind. And yet another love/hate relationship is going on in the mouth of the lion today--the relationship of Remus Lupin and his Ravenclaw girlfriend, Aladdin Niadra. Aladdin is a popular Quidditch chaser, and despite Remus's prefect status, some wonder if Aladdin isn't going below her class. Last Hogsmeade weekend, Remus and Aladdin, after snogging in the Three Broomsticks, got into a fight because Remus reportedly spilled his butterbeer all over the Ravenclaw chaser. A minor fight ensued with screaming on both parts for thirty minutes, reportedly hurting at least fifteen ear drums and ten are in the Hospital wing for ruptured ear drums. Aaah....young love. 

Another point of interest is your columnists continuing relationship with Frank Longbottom, the sweetheart of Gryffindor. Last Sunday, we went to Hogsmeade and enjoyed a long walk along the lake and a picnic afterward, accompianied by a most delicious snogging...ahem. 

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar! 

* * *

**Lioness Poetry**

The Lioness has picked a poem this week from the fifteen sent to her room and would like to say thank you to all the participants! The winning poem follows. 

i stare out the window   
thinking of you again  
and inside my heart breaks slowly  
and outside tears fall silently  
because i love you  
and you're gone again tonight...  
-Anonymous  


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 13, 1st edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole and Natalie, who she is made after, as well as any minor characters. 


	2. 2nd Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be more of the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

** Demiguise Hunt!**

A magical beast called the demiguise has escaped into the castle, writes Sirius Orion Black, Gryffindor Oracle reporter, who witnessed the whole scene. It began innocently enough when Professor Kettleburn, the Care of Magical Creatures teacher, decided to show his class the demiguise. It started out as an innocent lesson. 

But that soon changed. "I was there," Peter Pettigrew, of Gryffindor, says with absolute certainity. "Someone--I don't know who--let off a Filbuster's No-Heat Wet Start Firework in the Care of Magical Creatures class." 

"Well, the firework exploded right in Professor Kettleburn's face," reports Alice Remerta, Gryffindor chaser and columnists for the Oracle. "Of course it caused a confusion--and in the confusion, the Demiguise escaped." 

Demiguises, your disgruntled reporter discovered, are large ape-like creatures that can disappear at will, and are very expensive due to the fact their hair is used to make Invisibility Cloaks. Thus, Professor Kettleburn is offering a reward to anyone who successfully finds it and turns it it--an eye-opening one hundred House Points. 

"I've gotta find it," Lucy...Lucius Malfoy was reported saying. "Slytherin needs those hundred points." 

Many students seemed to feel the same way, based on the general air of excitement generated by the Demiguise incident. But who will find it, no one can tell. Now, your Oracle reporter is off to brew some Visibility potions. 

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony**

Dear Moony,   
I'm a first year and Professor Grimay, Head of Slytherin, seems to hate me for no good reason--he's always taking House points away from me. Why?   
-Confused First Year 

Dear Confused First Year,   
Don't ask me to fathom the way that slimeball's mind works. He's a SLYTHERIN. Do I look like Professor Grimay?   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
Somebody sneaked an illegal bottle of Firewhiskey into my dorm, and I want to tell the professor, but I don't want to betray my friends. What should I do?   
-Stuck between Friends 

Dear Stuck between Friends,   
Who? What dorm room? I'll be there tonight! Duh, you idiot! You don't tell on your friends...if they really are your friends. You need to learn something about friendship.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
I have this problem with pickles. See, I only like pickles with jam and ketchup, but everybody else eats them with marmalade. And nobody agrees with me that I should walpaper our dorm room in pink and purple bunnies! What should I do?  
-Padfoot 

Dear Padfoot,   
I already told you, we are NOT walpapering the dorm room. You are gross and disgusting but you can eat your pickles however you like. Go back to sleep.   
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...

**Lion's Roar **

This is Alice Remerta, gossip columnist of the Gryffindor Oracle. New developments are happening on old loves this week with your favorite reporter and with the girls of Gryffindor. It all begins with Fiona Landon, who was dumped unceremoniously yesterday by Sirius Black, who told her quite rudely to: "shove off and cool it." 

"I thought he loved me," Fiona sobbed to your gossip columnist. "He told me that he never felt this way with anyone else, and that he would buy me the stars if he could!" 

"I said that?" a bewildered Sirius asked me. "Well, she shouldn't get emotional," he shrugged when asked what he thought about Fiona's response. "She's too clingy," he added as the final insult. 

Sirius Black is now going out with Natalie Sanduray of Hufflepuff, and he's not the only one dating out of House. Remus Lupin and Aladdin Niadra have reportedly gotten back together, which is confirmed by numerous sights of snoggins sessions viewed with disgust by much of the Gryffindor popularion. 

But how do things go with the last Marauder? Alas, the love/hate relationship only grows hotter as the fight continues. This morning, Lily Evans reportedly threw a glass of orange juice in James Potter's face when he tried to kiss her over breakfast. Better luck next time, James!

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar!

* * *

**Lioness Poetry**

The Lioness has once again picked a poem from the twenty under her door, and her favorite one appears below. Thanks all you participants! 

I miss you and it's tearing me apart  
Look into my eyes and break my heart  
And after all this time I still have hurt to show  
And after all this time you still don't notice  
It's funny how it goes...  
-6th Year 

* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 25, 2nd edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole and Natalie, who she is made after, as well as any minor characters. 

* * *

**Author's Notes: ** OMG! OMG! OMG! 20 reviews for ONE CHAPTER??? I love you people! That's why I wrote this so quickly! Next chapter, feature story: Interview with a Seeker--James Potter speaks out. If you have any questions you want to ask him, please do so in your review, and your question might be in the 3rd edition! 


	3. 3rd Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be more of the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Interview with a Quidditch Captain: James Potter Speaks Out **

Black: I'm Sirius Black, here today with James Potter, starting Seeker of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. James is top of class in every class but Charms, where his crush, Lily Evans, beats him, and he is also legendary in Gryffindor history for winning the Quidditch cup since he started playing in 2nd year. James, is it true that you have a crush on Lily Evans? Can you explain those feelings? 

Potter: Lily Evans is an extrodinarily beautiful, talented girl. Who wouldn't want to go out with her? 

Black: Lily, are you reading this? *laugh* Now James, we have some questions from our beloved readers of the Oracle. Um....ahem, it says: " James, could you tell Sirius that if he tries to ask me out one more time I will cut his *gorgeous* hair off with a knife?!" 

Potter: Who is it this week, Black? 

Black: Who wrote this? *throws it over his shoulder* Next question: What model is your broomstick? 

Potter: Nimbus 1000, best broomstick available. It is awesome. 

Black: Next question...*grins* How do you feel about the orange juice being splashed in your face when trying to kiss the love of your life?

Potter: Who wrote that? Yeah, how would you feel if the girl you had a crush on threw orange juice in your face? 

Black: Jamsie boy, you have lots of love life questions here! If you get Lily, will you ever have kids?

Potter: Absolutely. 

Lily Evans: You won't get me, Potter!

Black: And another reader asks: Why go after Lily when you can have almost any other girl?

Potter: Lily is beautiful and gorgeous and she's more intelligent than any other girl in Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, or Slytherin. *charming grin aimed off page* 

Evans: In your dreams, Potter! 

Black: Well! Another question here: *blinks* Sirius, will you go out with me? No. *crumples it up* Next question! James, will you go out with me? 

Potter: No. 

Black: *sorting through the rest of the quesitons* Erm....that's all we have right now! Thank you, James Potter, for giving us an interview today. Now your Oracle reporter is off to run from fangirls...

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony**

Dear Moony,   
See, I have this crush on you, but you keep ignoring my letters. What should I do?   
-Lovesick Third Year 

Dear Lovesick Third Year,   
Get over it. Have you not been reading Lion's Roar? I'm attached. Go ask Sirius.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
See, I like this one guy, but I'm going out with this other guy, but now the guy that I like is trying to ask me out, but I'm going out with this other guy and he's really sweet and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I really want to go out with the one guy. What should I do?   
-Confused in Love 

Dear Confused in Love,  
Go star in a soap opera.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
Professor Trelwany is really freaking me out. She keeps predicting my death in class and won't leave me alone, and now people are starting to avoid me. I'm getting worried. What if I do die? What should I do?   
-Scared of Divination 

Dear Scared of Divination,   
I don't know, I'm not in Divination. If you die, I'll put flowers on your grave. Sorry.   
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...

**Lion's Roar **

This is Alice Remerta, gossip columnist of the Gryffindor Oracle. Very amusing love scenes are happening this week around the castle, everything from one very dubious sighting of Professor McGonagall and Professor Grimay to one claimed sighting of Lily Evans and James Potter. Could he finally have gotten his crush? 

"No," Lily Evans told me flatly. "James Potter is an arrogant bighead and I would rather go out with the giant squid than him." Reports of Lily and the Giant Squid have not yet been sighted. 

While this amusing saga continues, Sirius Black has yet _another_ fling. This week, it's Wendy Johnson of Ravenclaw. Your gossip columnist is getting tired of reporting the long line of his hearbreaks, gossip queen though she may be. But has Peter Pettigrew found love at last?? Someone spotted the fourth Marauder snogging with Kendra Lawson, of Hufflepuff. Good luck, Peter! 

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar!

* * *

**Lioness Poetry**

The Lioness has once again picked a poem from the two under her door, and her favorite one appears below. Thanks all you participants! 

**Poem About Pink and Purple Bunnies **   
I feel so alone, because no one understands   
Those bunnies, they need to be put up   
Those pink and purple bunnies on the walpaper  
I wanna put them in the dorm, but no one lets me   
And those bunnies keep smilin at me!   
-Padfoot 

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 330 Hufflepuff: 221   
Slytherin: 301 Ravenclaw: 325   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 25, 2nd edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole and Natalie, who she is made after, as well as any minor characters. 

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Well, thank you all so much! I heard some complaints about chapter 2 doesn't exist...? I'll re-upload it and see if I can fix it. Some of you asked who the Lioness is...that was a bit of a mystery to the Gryffindors reading this too, and Moony got several letters about it, but none are posted in the Oracle. Yeah, there was some confusion about James being Seeker/Chaser thing--the movie said Seeker where the book said Chaser, so I'm thinking he played both roles? Anyway, I changed it to Quidditch Captain. I loved you all so much! **71 freakin' reviews?** I LOVE YOU! That's why I'm updating so quickly! If you want to be e-mailed when I update, put your e-mail in the review. 


	4. 4th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be more of the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

** Slytherin Singing Sensation**

A very surprising sight greeted the Gryffindors when they entered the Great Hall this morning, reports Sirius Black, Gryffindor Oracle reporter. The Gryffindors went to their table this morning to find Lucius Malfoy, Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle, Severus Snape, Narcissa Black, and Evan MacNair standing on the Gryffindor table, all dressed in very--er--_inappropriate_ red dresses, black top hats, and black feather boas. To the surprise and amusement of the Gryffindors, the Slytherins began to burst into _song_ the moment the Gryffindors entered the Hall. 

The song, called: "American Pie" was hilariously sung by the Slytherins to the Gryffindors, and interruptions by a furious Professor McGonagall were of no avail--the Slytherins seemed unable to stop singing until the entire eight minute song was over. ("American Pie" happens to be a Muggle song by the Muggle artist Don McLean.)

But who did this atrocious prank? The evidence points to Muggle-born--the use of a Muggle song would suggest knowledge of Muggle pop culture, but there are no likely suspects. 

"Don't you give me that crap, Black," Severus Snape hissed to your flustered reporter. "You and those wretched Marauders were behind it again." 

But Snape's accusations seem to fall on deaf ears. "If you ask me, the Slytherins had to do this of their own free will," said Frank Longbottom. "I mean, it is out of character, true, but unless someone used the Imperius Curse on them, there was no way anyone could force them to sing." 

Indeed, the greatest question in this new mystery is not _who,_ but _how_ someone forced the Slytherins to sing at breakfast. Suggestions of the Imperious Curse have been rumored, but no feasable conclusion has come to light. "If anyone has any information, report it to me immediately," Professor McGonagall said wearily, with the faint hint of a smile. "This was a silly and childish prank and anyone who did it should be ashamed of themselves." 

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony**

Dear Moony,   
The Yule Ball is coming up, and I can't get a date. What should I do?   
-Dateless 

Dear Dateless,   
Do I look like a dating service? I don't know, go ask your friends or something!   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
Do you ever get tired of people asking you stupid questions?   
-Padfoot 

Dear Padfoot,   
Yes. Go back to sleep. Stop intruding on my column. You have your own.  
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
My parents wouldn't let me go into Hogsmeade. Can I sneak in?  
-Stranded at Hogwarts 

Dear Stranded at Hogwarts,   
Third statue on the left in the seventh wing, tap it and say: "Kamira." Of course, this doesn't lead to Hogsmeade, you understand. If any teacher asks you, you didn't hear it from me.   
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

_Notice:_ the Lion's Roar has been substitued this week for an advice column by Alice Remerta. 

**Emergency Ball Preperations **

Every girl knows that the Yule Ball is approaching rapidly, and every girl is frenzying about what to wear, what the fashions are, what makeup to do, and how to find a date. All this worrying causes a lot of stress! Alice Remerta, your Ball prep professor, has come to help you solve your problems! 

Dress robes are traditionally worn to the Yule Ball, but sometimes care is needed when choosing one. The color of the season is blue, in shades varying from cyan to sky blue to turquoise, and a shade can be found that matches you almost perfectly easily. The cut of the year is more of a dress style, with long flowing skirts, tight bodices, and long flowing sleeves, usually worn with belts of varying metallic shades (which can be bought if you come to dorm room 10 after 9pm). 

Hair styles this year are changing from minute to minute, but no need to worry, because I have personally investigated the latest trends of the moment. Models this winter are going for tight buns with loose wisps of hair framing the face, and another popular style is to curl it around your shoulders, framing your face with the natural curve. 

Makeup this year has gone from overbearing blue eyeshadow to nearly naked, and the trick to looking fablous this year is to put on as little as possible to make yourself look beautiful. Red lipstick is a thing of the past, girls going for a soft pink shade instead, and blue eyeshadow goes in the garbage can. Instead, try some natural tan or brown colors, and use mascara to make your lashes longer, making your eyes appear larger and more liquid. 

Having trouble getting a date? No problem. I have composed a list of eligible bachelors who are ripe for the picking which can be found if you stop by dorm room 10 after 9pm. The Yule ball is the time to make yourself stand out as the most beautiful girl in Hogwarts, and I'm here to help you do it! This has been Alice Remerta with Emergency Ball Preperations--if you need any more help, stop by dorm rom 10 after 9pm and you will find help! And if you have any good ball stories, slip it under dorm room 10 the week following the ball--it could appear in the Lion's Roar next week! 

* * *

**Lioness Poetry**

The Lioness has once again picked a poem from the twenty-two under her door, and her favorite one appears below. Thanks all you participants! 

**Christmas**   
Snow drifts gently to the ground,   
fairy lights softly light the air,   
trees sparkle with silver frost   
a holiday filled with love and care.   
-a third year 

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 280 Hufflepuff: 251   
Slytherin: 222 Ravenclaw: 210   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 73, 3rd edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole and Natalie, who she is made after, as well as any minor characters. 

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Marauders & Lily are in 5th year, got some questions about that...that's all so far, enjoy! 


	5. 5th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be more of the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Beyond the Bunnies: The Life of Sirius Black**

Potter: Hello, I'm James Potter, filling in today for Sirius Black becase I am going to do an interview with him...sad though that may be. 

Black: I'm right here, James. 

Potter: *clears throat* Right! And now we have some questions from our readers...most of which seem to concern you being single and you going out with them. 

Black: Come and get it, ladies *charming grin*

Potter: Okay Sirius, that's disgusting. Here we go: One Slytherin asks if your initals really are SOB? 

Black: Yep, my mother was a...*sees it's rated G*...really mean person. I don't like her. 

Potter: GryffindorGirl asks if you were a Muggle movie star? 

Black: What's a movie star? What's a movie? 

Potter: Ah, the pureblood curse. And Moony wants to know why you have an obsession with pink and purple bunnies. 

Black: See, it all started when I was just a small Black. Narcissa, my...Slytherin...cousin, had brought home two cute fluffy bunny rabbits, and naturally I was dying to terrorize them. So the minute my dear old mum left the room, out came the wand and POOF! went the bunnies. Pinky and Lavender emerged, but unfortunately the spell had this side effect of blowing them up, and my mum wasn't very happy and made me clean it up, then she made me buy Narcissa new rabbits, but in that time from when I bought them to when I gave them to her I came to love them and now I want Pinky and Lavender back! PINKY! LAVENDER! WHERE ARE YOU, MY LOVE BUNNIES? 

Potter: That was....er....enlightening, Sirius. 

Moony: Disturbing, you mean. 

Potter: That too. Now Sirius, one fan wants to know how you manage to be so sexy? 

Black: It's all natural, baby. *pulls off his shirt* 

Potter: Sirius, that was more of you than we ever wanted to see. *fangirl screaming can be heard in the distance* Well, than most of us wanted to see. Go back to sleep. 

This has been James Potter, interviewing Sirius Black...sadly. Now we have to go run from random fangirls...we'll be back next week! 

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony**

Dear Moony,   
I dumped my boyfriend last week and he won't leave me alone! What can I do to make him quit?   
-Stalked and Hating It 

Dear Stalked and Hating It,  
Isn't there something like a witness protection program you can go into?   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
How come you weren't at the Yule Ball?   
-A loyal fan

Dear Loyal Fan,   
Did you have nothing better to do at the ball than wander around looking for me? Get a life. I was sick.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
I keep hearing these sounds at night that nobody else hears and it really scares me. People tell me to get counseling, but I don't want to. Can you give me some advice?   
-Hearing Things 

Dear Hearing Things,  
Get some counseling.   
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...

**Lion's Roar **

This is Alice Remerta, your Gossip Queen, here reporting on the Yule Ball news. We have a wealth of stories this week folks, all beautifully romantic, some sad, some sweet and some naeusatingly disgusting. Good news at last--James Potter took Lily Evans to the Yule Ball! The petite redhead was definately the belle of the ball in a stunning creme colored dress robe that complimented her hair and eyes perfectly, while James looked the hunk he is in a beautiful, expensive black formal robe from Gladrags Wizardware. 

Metallic colors and blue seemed to be the fashion at the ball this year, with many shades and variations of this gorgeous sky-color appearing all over the school. Emmeline Vance, of Ravenclaw, had to be best dressed in stunning blue dress robes, Egyptian cut with a fashionable gold belt, gold collar necklace, and bangles and rings galore, going with none other than our troublemaker, Sirius Black, who was seen snogging no less than five girls, including Emmeline, before the night was over. 

But the love-hate couples abounded. Though James and Lily came in together, they had a fight during the evening over a dance which ended up with James soaking wet due to the punch bowl being dumped over his head. Most mysterious. And while amusing this scene was to all spectators, Professor McGonagall seemed to not find it so and assigned each a detention and ten points from Gryffindor each. Ah...love is in the air. 

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar!

* * *

**Lioness Poetry**

The Lioness has once again picked a poem from the three and a half under her door, and her favorite one appears below. Thanks all you participants! 

Full moon rips through my blood,  
Unwaning, uncaring, torturing,   
Demons I face inside of me   
as the full mooon rips through this facade.   
-Fifth year

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 340   
Hufflepuff: 310   
Slytherin: 345  
Ravenclaw: 302   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 95, 5th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

* * *

**Author's Notes:** The idea for the article came from PhoenixGirl123456--thanks! Somebody pointed out that Narcissa's maiden name was Black, thanks for that, I had forgotten it and changed 4th edition. I won't be updating as much now because I'm limiting my internet so I can work on my novel, and I am reading no fanfiction. Self-discipline is a harsh thing :p melaniewilliamsandharrypotter seems to act a lot like me at times. That's scary. And whoever posted the S.O.B. thing, that was funny! I used that in my article. 


	6. 6th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be more of the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**The Gryffindor Mystery**

All readers are familiar with the Lioness's column that appears in the Gryffindor Oracle every week. But the question still remains--who is the Lioness? 

"We've never actually _seen_ the Lioness," admits Alice Remerta, editor and gossip columnist of the Gryffindor Oracle. "She sends in her column through owl post and we print it in the Oracle. She's a published poet and will occasionally slip one or two of her own poems in the Oracle, but we don't know who she is. She's really strange on her column, too," she adds. "Sometimes it's a thought of the day, sometimes poems, sometimes word of the week. She's really random." 

But somehow, people with poems, thoughts, or ideas always know where to send them. "You know where to send your poetry to the Lioness," says one anonmous fifth year poet. "And it's not a dorm room you slip your poem under, it's a door on the third floor." 

Speculation on the identity of the Lioness ranges everyone from Alice Remerta to Peter Pettigrew. But the mystery continues, and the Lioness remains hidden. Maybe, in light of this article, the Lioness may come out in the open, for she is a very revered picture of Gryffindor culture. 

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony**

Dear Moony,  
I hate my sister, she's always stealing my socks. My best friend suggested I put a lock on my trunk, but I don't want to make her feel unloved, what should I do?  
-Sockless

Dear Sockless,   
Mistmach your socks so they don't match. It's more interesting and nobody will steal socks that don't match.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
No matter how hard I try, I can't get rid if the Doxies in my closet. I've tried everything I can think of and a proffesional costs too much. What should I do?   
Trouble with Doxies 

Dear Trouble with Doxies,  
What year are you? Can't you go take Care of Magical Creatures class? Borrow money off your friends? What do I look like, an exterminator?   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
My Potions essay is due tomorrow and I have absolutely no idea what powdered moonstone does in potions! Can you help me?   
-Suck in Moonstone 

Dear Stuck in Moonstone,   
Am I some universal essay-writing machine? Powdered moonstone is sparkly, and Sirius knows about sparkly things, so just ask him.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
Fanfic authors keep abducting me and my friends to do...MSTs. I'm beginning to get traumitized, I'm hearing disembodied voices everywhere, always making sarcastic comments to what people say, and I know the future! It's driving me insane!   
-Sick of MSTs

Dear Sick of MSTs,  
What's an MST? I suggest you get counseling...or get a good Memory Charm.   
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...

**Lion's Roar **

Love seems to cool off this weekend with the approach of the first week in January, and even the usually warm Gryffindor common room seems chilly. The Astronomy Tower sees less and less snogging couples this week as two feet of snow top it, preventing lovesick couples from expressing their sentiments. And the relationships are definately on the downhill. 

Sirius Black has no fling this week, dumping his latest fling for no one. He has been seen with a mysterious Slytherin girl, but these sightings seem to be nothing more than rumors as he hates all Slytherins with a passion known to everyone in Gryffindor who has woken up to find the Slytherin population green-haired. 

New, disturbing discoveries are happening with the Lily-James love-hate relationship this week. Just after the two were seen snogging in the Library, Lily reportedly smacked James across the face with a heavy Arithmancy book, leaving him with serious brain damage, which she says irritably: "he already had." Better luck next time, James. 

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar!

* * *

**Lioness's Thought of the Week**

The Lioness's thought of the week. This week's thought: the hearts of Gryffindors. 

The reason why Gryffindor is such a great house is because the loyalty in it is not blind, and it is most definitely earned, even if it is sometimes earned quite rapidly. Hufflepuff is all too loyal, sometimes for no good reason, and Slytherin not loyal in the least. Ravenclaws tend to have fewer people skills, so they don't know loyalty, they know only logic. Gryffindors know both, and it makes them the wisest house of all.   
The Lioness 

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 400  
Hufflepuff: 400   
Slytherin: 399   
Ravenclaw: 400   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 115, 6th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Reviewers CAN ask Moony questions, I'd love it! And I need article ideas...that's the hardest part to write. I'm thinking about adding more sections, so all reviewer ideas and feedback are welcome! Moony did write the poem last edition, go Phoenixgirl1234567! James and Lily's realtionship is not really the point of this fic, for klb14345, who asked. It's a strictly humor fic. I also need gossip column ideas and am searching fanfics for good ideas. 

Thanks to: Radix Lecte for the SOB idea, my friend Liam Dakred and silver-sparklze for Moony questions. You should all be glad I got this chapter finished, because I am writer's block -- Auteur avec le bloc de l'auteur - which means literally Author with the block of the author, but oh well. I'm learning french. Tell me if you like the new style or not. 

-Le petit aliene violet auteur 


	7. 7th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be more of the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Quidditch Quarks **

This weekend's Slytherin vs. Gryffindor game was exciting and neck-to-neck, writes Sirius Orion Black, reporter for the Oracle and commentator for Quidditch matches. The exciting match this weekend was hilighted by a spectatcular capture of the Snitch by the Gryffindor Seeker, Jordan McWhorter. James Potter, the Gryffindor Quidditch captain, had an excellent setup at the game, all the chasers in perfect formation, and the Beaters broke a total of five Slytherin arms. 

The game began with an exciting neck to neck chase of speed and skill on the part of the chasers, weaving in and out of the giant Slytherins, the Quaffle racing back and forth so fast the eye of your flustered commentator could hardly follow it. The Bludgers were as deadly as cannonballs at the hands of the two skilled Gryffindor beaters, Lacey Almea and Gregory Kingsley, and we have injured Slytherins to prove it. 

"They weren't fast enough," a smug Lacey Almea told your Oracle reporter. "Me and Greg are the best of the best at Beating, and those slow, fat Slytherins can't avoid the Bludgers." 

"It was an excellent match," James Potter told me, excitement still lighting up his eyes. "Most satisfactory. Our Chasers, Akima Lyons, Trinity Rays, and me, were in perfect form, our Seeker was faster than lightning, and our Beaters were un-Beatable. It was the best match of the season." 

This astounding win, with a final score of 200 to 30, makes Gryffindor the favorites to win the Quidditch cup. "Personally, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw don't have a chance," Jordan McWhorter, Gryffindor Seeker, confides. "Slytherin might make their way back up, but with a score like this, I don't think we'll have to worry about the Quidditch cup not coming in our pockets." 

The Gryffindor Team continues to make their way to the top, and now your reproter is off to go celebrate. 

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony**

Dear Moony,   
Padfoot thinks I'm a girl. What should I do?   
-Wormtail 

Dear Wormtail,   
If Padfoot thought you were a girl, he would have hit on you.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
I know what you are. I'm one too. Can we meet up sometime?   
-Gryffindor In Love 

Dear Gryffindor In Love,   
Yes, we're both students. No.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
I have a strange obsession with silver bullets. I can't remember the spell to change ordinaryones into silver though. Do you know?  
-Bullet Freak

Dear Bullet Freak,   
You have a problem. Go get counseling. You don't need silver bullets.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
I'm a necrophiliac. Can you play like you're dead?   
-Obsessive Dead Lover 

Dear Obsessive Dead Lover,   
You are sick and have serious problems. Go to Sirius for counseling.   
Moony

Dear Moony,  
I am allergic to feathers. My teachers are always giving me detentions because I can't use quills, do my homework, take notes, etc. What should I do?  
-Fear of Feathers

Dear Fear of Feathers,   
Use a ballpoint pen. It's a very useful muggle invention. Lily has some.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
I am secretly in love with a Slytherin, but he completly ignores me, doesn't wash his hair, and loves the Dark Arts too much to pay attention to me! What should I do?  
Hopeless Snake Lover 

Dear Hopeless Snake Lover,   
You're obsessed with _**SNAPE??**_ You have problems. Get counseling.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
I knwo you keep stealing my chocolate. The Hershey goods are mine! What I want to know is how you found my stash!  
- Enraged Chocoholic

Dear Enraged Chocoholic,   
Sirius keeps stealing your chocolate.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
I have a BIG problem with your friend Sirius. He's always trying to ask me out! I don't think that James had that conversation with him about me as I suggested. He's still trying! I mean, there's no wrong with him, I like him VERY much, but I don't think he likes me and only tries to ask me out because he want to tease me.  
-In love 

Dear In Love,   
If you like him and he's asking you out, go out with him. What's the big deal? Why are you girls always making things so complicated?   
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
What's the best way to convice your sworn enemy that you did NOT put an itching charm on all of their underwear, write ''LILY (heart) JAMES 4EVER" all over the girl's bathroom stalls and still have a foundation of trust in your friendship?  
-NOT Guilty

Dear NOT Guilty,   
A good memory charm.   
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

_Editor's Note: Due to the overwhelming responses to the 'Ask Moony' column and the fact that the gossip columnist is sick with the flu, there will be no Lion's Roar this week, but if you really want to know the gossip news, just read the girl's bathrooms, all of which currently read: LILY (heart) JAMES4EVER. _

* * *

**Lioness Thought of the Day**

Suckers Rule, Rulers Suck.   
The Lioness 

* * *

**Weather **

The Great Hall looks stormy tonight, gray clouds rolling around the ceiling and lightning bolts dotting the sky overhead. Anyone afraid of storms is cautioned to eat in the kitchens tonight, because that sky is looking just scary, folks. But after a storm tonight, your forecaster is predicting sunshine bright and early tomorrow morning, followed by a sunny, dry week with moderate temperatures. Enjoy the sun while you can! 

Jim, Weather Wizard   
**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 415  
Hufflepuff: 388   
Slytherin: 425   
Ravenclaw: 402.5   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 115, 6th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

* * *

**Author's Notices:** Thanks to Lemon, Demonic Saiyajin, ChickoftheDarkMoon, Erenriel the Elven Canuck, Katie Black, Silver Meteor, Tonks, and PhoenixGirl1234567. Radix Lecte (hehe...I love the name! thanks!) Cestari (couldn't use your letter becaue Moony rejected it. He doesn't want the entire House to know he's a werewolf.) and hpfreak2001 (Yes, it's kind of an inside joke because Sirius can go to sleep anywhere at any time). 

And next edition is an interview with Dumbledore, so what questions would you ask Dumbledore? And the Thought of the Day comes from my site. 

OMG! You people all love the Ask Moony column!!! Maybe I'll post another fanfic called 'Ask Moony' for all you Moony lovers. Not today, though, for I have to work and must work tomorrow and the rest of this week....:( But chapter seven is here, so no fear! 

-Le petit aliene violet auteur 


	8. 8th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be more of the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**The Greatest Wizard of Our Time: Dumbledore Answers Questions**

Black: I'm Sirius Orion Black, here today with Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts (widely acknowledged to be the best wizarding school in the world) and the widely acknowledge most powerful wizard of our age, here to answer questions for Gryffindor Students. Now Professor, NyQueenie wants to ask if you and Professor McGonagall are an item. 

Dumbledore: *chuckle* Professor McGonagall and I are not 'an item' as she so quaintly put it. We are good friends and co-workers. 

Black: Just asking the questions, Professor! Wormtail wrote in, saying (quote)" Dear Prof. Dumbledore- I am writing in concern for your hair. It seems to be getting grayer. My dad is going through the same thing. But to make up for it he bought a red car (a Muggle invention) and is snogging a hooker from Kent. He is feeling much better about his hair now. If you want, I can get you some Revlon. Deep Regards, Wormtail." (unquote). 

Dumbledore: *chuckles again* Thank you for your concern, Wormtail, but I like my hair the way it is now. 

Black: And we have another question here: About how many times is Sirius Black in your office per week? What do you usually tell him when he breaks the rules? Do you lecture him? I'd just thought I'd point out to you that whatever you're doing isn't working. 

Dumbledore: Mr. Black is in my office an average of three times per week. Lecturing has no effect--I own his parents, but they seem used to it by now. He receives many detentions, you notice. If you think you can do better, I'd be delighted to let you try. 

Black: *sweatdrop* And ColorguardGirl wants to know how you put up with attention seeking egomaniacs such as Sirius Black...hey! 

Dumbledore: By using a lot of tact and a lot of self control. It isn't an easy job when you have to deal with idiotic people. 

Black: This has been Albus Dumbledore in the Gryffindor Oracle. Now, your reporter is off to find more people to interview randomly. 

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony**

Dear Moony,  
I don't have any boxers left. I think the House Elves are keeping them. Evil, rotten little creatures. I'm not wearing any right now as I'm writing this. Can I borrow a pair from you, it's a little breezy at the moment.  
-In Need of Underwear (Padfoot) 

Dear Padfoot,   
If you wouldn't prank the house elves, that wouldn't happen to you. Go back to sleep. You have your own column, quit invading mine.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
I'm in love with you! Please love me back! I want to go out with you, Sirius, James and Snape! All at once.  
-Hopelessly in love with you

Dear Hopelessly in love with you,   
You have serious problems. Sirius, James, and Snape are worst enemies. How can you like all three at once. I'm attached, read the Lion's Roar.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
Dead people stalk me. It scares me. How do I make them stop?  
-creeped out 

Dear Creeped Out,   
Use a spork, knock the dead people out with a spatula, or attack him/her with a spoon to make the dead people go away. And get counseling.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
My dorm-mates just poured owl droppings into my book bag. Then at lunch they took my potions homework and scribbled that I loved the Professor and wanted to marry him. I think it was because I was up all night complaining about the decor.   
-Woe-Is-Me

Dear Woe-Is-Me,   
Treat your dorm mates nicer. Put Puking Potion in their morning pumpking juice and put Dungbombs in their beds. Then give them a good memory charm if they suspect you .   
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

**Lioness Thought of the Day**

If we respected the world the way Spongebob respected jellyfish, the world would be a better place. Despite the fact that it's the seventies and we're wizards and we know nothing about Spongebob. Whatever.  
The Lioness 

* * *

**Weather **

The Great Hall is going to be clear tonight, with a beautiful full moon and perfect star-gazing for Astronomy tonight. But the sky should be clouding up tomorrow and it'll be cloudy the rest of the week, with some snow coming down later in the week. Get ready for snowball fights!   
Jim, Weather Wizard 

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 435  
Hufflepuff: 444   
Slytherin: 401   
Ravenclaw: 401.7   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 115, 6th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

  


**Picture of the Moment** = http:// www.geocities.com/ purpleabigail/ lineup.jpg 

**Notebook:** Only 4 letters to Ask Moony will be in each edition of the Oracle now that Ask Moony is its own fic. And Thursday and Friday I'll be gone, and all next week I'll be in California, so updates will be two weeks away at least. I will have _300_ emails when I get back...*groan*. I get at least 26 email a day. Sad, isn't it? I'm also writing a really dark fic called Ties that Bind about Narcissa Malfoy, if you want to read that while I'm gone. Next issue's article - Catching Those Zzz's: Sleep Habits of Gryffindor Students 

And Ask Moony has its own fic = here, so Ask Moony questions there and I'll transfer four of them here. This has to be the longest Author note in history...sigh. Thanks to: Lemon, melaniewilliamsandharrypotter, little-lost-one, and LeperMessiah for the Ask Moony sections, and for LeperMessiah, Silver Meteor, and NyQueenie for questions to Dumbledore. Anyone else who asked a question of Moony, read Ask Moony the fic, because it's there. 

Also, if you want an example of an MST, read "If Only They Had Listened to the Fanfic." It's under my favorites.There, now you have plenty to do while I'm gone. 


	9. 9th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be more of the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Catching Those Zzz's: Sleep Habits of Gryffindor Students**

This is Sirius Orion Black, here with a subject all Gryffindor students are highly interrested in--sleep. No Gryffindor who has ever stayed up until three in the morning celebrating the latest Quidditch win can deny the importance of sleep (especially when you have to be up by eight for classes the next morning). But as O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s draw closer, students are losing more and more hours to homework and studying. 

"I get three hours of sleep a night," one seventh year said quickly in a very high-pitched voice. "Studying, ya know. I gotta drink coffee. It's all that keeps me awake. The caffeine. It makes me jumpy. But I have to stay awake. N.E.W.T.s are just stressful, and you gottta study or you'll fail." 

Typical students are supposed to get seven to eight hours of sleep a night. "I get four to five hours of sleep a night," one fifth year said, circles under her eyes. "I get up in the morning and I look like a dragon. My eyes are puffy and my skin is scaly, and my brain is starting to freeze during class. I can't take much more of it. I don't see how seventh years stand it." 

But more than studying is keeping students awake. "I brew five Awakening Potions a week," one seventh year said. "And twice that number of Restorative Draughts, just to keep students going. Some students can't sleep at all anymore, with O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s so close." 

Your reporter has never had this problem, seeming to be able to sleep anytime, anywhere, which is beginning to happen to many students. "You get kids falling asleep at breakfast, in classes, and we even had someone fall asleep on their broom at Quidditch practice once," Gryffindor Beater Lacey Almea told me. "Not a pretty sight." 

With more insomniacs crowding the Gryffindor common room, the late hour may become more and more common as exams draw nearer. Now, your reporter is off to catch some zzz's. 

* * *

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony**

Dear Moony,   
Can you do me a quick favor and please tell Padfoot to PLEASE stop stuffing the pillows and mattresses in our dorms with green Jell-o? Lily's just about ready to kill someone, she's so frustrated. I'm beginning to fear for our safety. Can you PLEASE do something?  
Fed up with Jell-o  
_(from hpfreak2001)_

Dear Fed up with Jell-o,   
I suggest an Unbreakable Locking Charm on the door, maybe put a picture frame out front to guard it with a password, and put wards on your dorm so they squeak like styrofoam when anyone enters but you. Sirius hates the squeak of styrofoam, just between you and me...  
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
Styrofoam?! Why on EARTH would Sirius hate the squeak of styrofoam?! Is there some kind of messed-up story behind his extremely bizarre pet peeve? Also, how many items on Filch's infamous 'forbidden items list' are you, James, Sirius, and Peter personally accountable for? Anyway, I wanted to thank you for your advice on the thing with the Jell-o. We came up with something that we think will keep Sirius out of our dorm... Hope it works. Hehe... Oh, and between you and me, I was the one who told the house-elves to take Sirius's underwear. You know, as payback. They gladly obliged, as they were the ones who had the wonderful task of cleaning up all of the Jell-o.  
-Wreaking revenge ... Formerly Fed up with Jell-o  
_(from hpfreak2001)_

Dear Wreaking Revenge,   
Good for you! You rock! If only all my readers could solve their problems like you...  
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
THE SQUEAKING!! It won't stop! I was just going to give the girls some jell-o and...it...*twitch* SQUEAKED! Help me!  
-Losing His Grip(Padfoot)  
_(from Deirdre of the Sorrows)_

Dear Padfoot,   
I told you not to put green Jell-O in their dorms.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
Sirius is curled up in his bed in the fetal position and rocking back and forth, muttering about cups or something. It was funny for the first ten minutes, but it's getting old fast. How do we make him stop?  
-Prongs  
_(from Deirdre of the Sorrows)_

Dear Prongs,   
Um...a good Memory charm.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
I'm...writting to you...while running...Sirius...chasing me...something about...rats...and squeaks...how do I get...him to...stop?  
-Wormtail  
_(from Deirdre of the Sorrows)_

Dear Wormtail,   
Sorry.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
If a hippogriff is flying toward Hogwarts at twenty kilometers an hour, but gets caught in a downdraft and lands in the Shrieking Shack, causing the ghouls inside to escape into the school, wrecking havoc and stealing girls' underwear causing a war withint the castle between the Pantie Brigade and the Loud Mosquitos what colour socks would Sirius Black be wearing?  
-Wouldn't You Like to Know  
_(from Deirdre of the Sorrows)_

Dear Wouldn't You Like to Know,   
That was random. Sirius always wears green socks. Don't ask me why. It's the only color he has.   
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Ever been plauged by what to wear to Hogsmeade? Ever wondered what colors are in? Well, now you can get fasion advice from the queen of fasion herself....

**Lion's Skin **

This is Alice Remerta, your Fashion Queen, here reporting on the latest fasions this week. The color of the week seems to be red and gold all the way! These patriotic Gryffindor colors are rich and powerful, giving a sense of power and warmth. Red in fasion goes with many complexions, and can be matched to almost anyone. Red also stands out, making you more prominent in a crowd, and red is proven to get blood pressures racing. 

Gold makes an excellent touch to this red, turning it from hooker to hottie with this metallic color. Gold accents on red can turn it from cheap to classy, and gold jewelry or a gold scarf often presents a picture of perfect elegance. Makeup is more vivid this week, with shades of red and pink coming to light, warm colors being the preference. 

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Skin, the Gryffindor fashion column. Need fasion advice? Need to know what to wear? Just ask Alice Remerta, dorm room 10, girl's side. 

* * *

**Lioness Poem of the Day**

I am two  
I admit it  
Two different people  
Fighting to fit 

One is flaky and bubbly  
The other is serious and calm  
And though I try to make it stop  
Something always goes wrong.

When I'm around them  
I act so dumb  
When I'm with him  
I'm serious yet fun

I can not control it  
I can not stay sane  
When I'm around them  
I just lose my brain

So now I admit  
I am opposties, two  
The ground, the sky   
The sun, the moon

~Genki 

* * *

**Weather **

Well, the Great Hall looks sunny today, coming to melt away the snow we had last week. Enjoy the warm weather while you can because later in the week it's going to rain, rain, rain. And I can promise you your dinner will get wet! You might want to take an umbrella to the Great Hall, folks, because I have a head-up on a prank that will make the ceiling rain on dinner...

Jim, weather wizard 

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 415  
Hufflepuff: 388   
Slytherin: 425   
Ravenclaw: 402.5   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 115, 9th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

* * *

**Notices:**Thanks to kantomon for the Lioness's Poem, and all the Ask Moony questions. Um, yeah, I thought it was Tuesday but it turns out I"m leaving Thursday for California. So you get one more chapter. Enjoy it while you can. Have fun! 


	10. 10th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be more of the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Crisis in the House! Underwear and Sock Situations**

This is James Potter, filling in for Sirius Black due to the fact he's rocking back in the fetal position, talkling about 'styrofoam squeak' and 'rats...JELL-O!' randomly from time to time and is currently incapicated to write anything. But he's doing a lot more than that...he also has no underwear.

The house elves of Hogwarts seemed to have finally reached their limit. They wrote Moony, in the "Ask Moony" column last week: 

Dear Moony,  
Please prevent your friend Sirius from torturing us.  
~The House Elves of Hogwarts

And in retaliation for all this torture from Sirius, they seem to have stolen all of his underwear. He has currently asked everyone in the House (even girls) for underwear...six times. And the house-elves have not just stopped at underwear. They have also stolen Sirius's socks. 

Sirius seems to have an obsession with socks. He only wears green socks. Ever. And several people have reported socks missing, including girls, and only green socks. It seems that Sirius is finally getting his payback for all that pranking the House Elves gave him. 

Filling in for Sirius Black, this has been James Potter with the news. Come back later to see if Sirius's sock....and underwear... sitauation improved any while you were gone. 

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony**

Dear Moony,   
I need your help. Desperately.  
I was peeking in the girl's toilets last Friday, when suddenly my pet snake falls out of my bag and goes into the bathroom. I follow him to the sink, and then he hissed at me. Next thing I know, I'm over balanced and falling down a secret passageway that appeared out of nowhere with my snake. I can't get back up, and I can't find any other way out. Since then, my snake's died and I've found a creepy room that has a large statue that looks like Salazar Slytherin. At night, I swear something's breathing behind that thing! Can you tell me how to get out? My owl's the only one that's found me, and it can only carry me so many chocolate frogs a week. You've gotta help me out, man!  
- Lost and Bloody Scared  
_(from WickerB)_

Dear Lost and Bloody Scared,   
It sounds like the Chamber of Secrets! No need to worry, it's a basilisk behind the statue. Just don't look it in the eyes. Um, yeah, if you want out, follow the tunnels down to the third grate on the left...it comes out into fifty feet beneath the lake, so hold your breath.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
I have a crush on a boy. He has blond hair, brown eyes, and he's in Gryfindor. All my friends say he likes me to, but I don't know. He was willing to square dance with me when the Proffesors forced us to square dance at the ball, but I still don't know.  
-A Gryfindor 1st year  
_(from kantomon)_

Dear Gryffindor 1st Year,   
Why don't you ask him?   
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
Please prevent your friend Sirius from torturing us.  
~The House Elves of Hogwarts

Dear House Elves,   
I've tried. We've all tried. I think you should start putting things in his bed.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
How am I supposed to get Sirius to notice me? All he does is point and laugh at me.  
~Sirius hopeful

Dear Sirius Hopeful,  
If he's pointing at you and laughing at you, he's noticing you.   
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

**Lioness Poetry**

The Lioness has picked a poem this week from the fifteen sent to her room and would like to say thank you to all the participants! The winning poem(s) follow. 

There's no mountain too high,  
No river too wide,  
Call out my name,  
I'll be by your side.  
-Elizabeth Black-Pearl 

Wasted away in Margaritaville,   
Searchin for my lost shaker of salt,   
Some people claim that there's this woman to blame,   
But I think it could be my fault.   
-C.J. Sparrow

So afraid to love you,  
More afraid to lose.  
Clinging to a past,   
That doesn't let me choose.  
-W. Turner

Once there was happines,   
A deep and endless light.  
You gave me everything you had,  
Oh you gave me life.  
-The Swan 

_(from LeperMessiah, but I changed Sparrow's part to Margaritaville because I thought it was more like him.)_

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 425.9  
Hufflepuff: 456   
Slytherin: 440   
Ravenclaw: 467   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 115, 10th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

* * *

**Notebook:** Well, LeperMessiah, I think everyone is obsessed with Pirates of the Caribbean (including me). His hands are wonderful, aren't they?? Go read Ask Moony if you want proof we're obsessed...-_-. and Golden*Faerey, YES! YES! Ruthless Killer! Murdererer! Me and my friends are plotting ways to kill her in her sleep....and thanks for all the poems, everybody! You rock! I'll use them in 11&12. 

If anyone wants to help write an article, submit it and I'll think about it....Help with Lion's Skin or Lion's Roar would be greatly appreciated! It's about to get dropped altogether because it's so hard to write! And I don't like it! 


	11. 11th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Top 25 Ways to Annoy People**

Ever wanted to annoy someone? Make them drive molten sporks into their eyelids? Well, this is Sirius Black, your expert on annoying people worldwide, as the Gryffindor House can tell you! Ways to annoy people can vary greatly, but here are some of my personal favorites. 

25. When people talk to you, keep saying 'yar'. No matter what they say. Yar.   
24. Spend an entire evening imitating animals in the common room.   
23. Talk about things no one understands--keep using terms like: "WoT," "Aes Sedai," "Canon," "Sauron," and such around friends who have no idea what you're talking about.   
22. Sing Muggle songs no one else knows.   
21. End all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."   
20. Yell: "AFROFRIZZNISTICK!" and "aouearhaoiruwpahaierwuoahito!" randomly   
19. Act superior and all-knowing.   
18. Have a one-track mind.   
17. Run around acting like a drill sergant, yelling: "RUN, CADET!" at random people. Give me 20!   
16. Whenever people try to talk to you, keep interrupting them saying: "Really? Now, what did you say? What exactly do you mean by that?"   
15. Touch your eyeball.   
14 Walk up to random people and ask them for sugar. Twitch after you say it.   
13. Go ask random people if they know Jack. If they say no, laugh hysterically.   
12. Ask people: "Sup?" Whatever their answer, laugh hysterically.   
11. Go around the common room with a fake questionnaire, asking everyone personal questions.   
10. Randomly jump on people, accusing them of things they didn't do.   
9. Yell: "HEY UGLY!" in the common room just to interrupt the people trying to study.   
8. Run around in circles singing: "Ring around the rosy..." all night long just to annoy people trying to be boring.   
7. Whenever someone suggests you study, shout: "YOU'RE BEING BORING!" so the entire common room can hear.   
6. Alwaysay Alktay inyay Igpay Atinlay.   
5. Run around and yell: "NI!" to random people.   
4. Ask everyone if they have shrubbery.   
3. Ask Lily Evans (in an extremely loud voice) if she found those tampons yet. (also a good way to get detention).   
2. Act annoyingly superior; be mysterious about a subject. Anytime someone asks you what you're talking about, just say: "Don't you KNOW?" and refuse to talk.   
1. Tell everyone you pass that they have lovely underwear. 

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony**

Dear Moony,   
I've asked Dumbledore to let me sing Bohemian Rhapsody at breakfast, but he won't let me. Any suggestions as to what I do?   
-Not a Clue (Padfoot)  
_(from Golden*Faerey in Sirius Denial)_

Dear Padfoot,   
You'll stand up on the table and sing it anyway--you always do.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
Can you please tell Lily's friend to stop telling me I'm going to die! She just keeps on passing me notes in Charms saying "You're gonna die Potter. So is Lily, so is Sirius. Remus will be a teacher. Peter will be the downfall of all of you - Elizabeth" Sure, she's saying nice things about Lily and I getting together! But the whole death thing is really freaking me out! Can you, do something about it?   
-Prongs  
_(from Golden*Faerey in Sirius Denial)_

Dear Prongs,   
I've tried. Lily's tried. She keeps saying I'm a teacher.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
A few weeks ago, I saw Sirius walking out of Hog's Head in women's clothing. Then, yesterday I saw him walking around the boys dorm in high heels, suspenders, and a bra singing the lumberjack song when he thought everyone was at classes. Is he okay?  
-Wormtail  
_(from little-lost-one)_

Dear Wormtail,   
No, Sirius is never okay. I think he's been watching too much Monty Python, or else talking to that one addicted girl....  
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
*looks under bed* THERE'S MY NEW STASH OFF UNDERWEAR! Excellent! *ripes package open and starts smelling his new underwear*  
Padfoot  
_(from Lemon)_

Dear Padfoot,   
.....no comment.   
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...

**Lion's Roar **

Have you ever felt like being mysterious? 

Well, that's our latest vibe, gray! It all began yesterday and the Great Hall. Sirius was once again ridiculing Mr. Remus Lupin, boyfriend of Aladdin Niadra, over his graying hair. The boy didn't know Remus had revenge planned, and proved it by flinging mashed potatoes at Sirius! Soon a distgusting food fight was off until the Professors got everyone's sense back. It ruined seveal of my nice robes too...

However, gray was inspired by Remus's hair, and is now our latest trend! Try to go for a gray trim on your robes, entirely gray makes it look old and shabby, not trendy at all. Hats are the same way, we find gray ribbon works particularly well.

As for make-up, try a smoky eye with gray eyeshadow, but keep your lips calm so it's not overkill. Silver earings go wonderfully, they're like shining gray gems!

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar! 

* * *

**Lioness Poetry**

The Lioness has picked a poem this week from the fifteen sent to her room and would like to say thank you to all the participants! The winning poem(s) follow. 

The sky is full of power   
The day breaks through the source   
night falls upon your cheekbone   
Your face shades no remorse   
The curl upon your fingers   
The sweat drops down your back   
The smile on your lips   
The dimmed room turning black   
My feelings flaring up   
your face turned around   
The shattering of my heart   
Leaves only a silent sound   
-A sixth year 

**Weather Warnings**

Trouble is in the air as showers are headed our way. I got a tip off just this morning that when you go to breakfast this morning, one prankster may have enchanted the ceiling to actually rain on your food. Take your umbrellas, folks, because it's going to be wet wet wet! There will be an excellent shower of shooting stars tonight visible from the common room windows about midnight, and the sky will be clear and beautiful, and with a full moon two weeks away, the stars will shine brightly tonight.   
Jim, Weather Wizard 

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 455  
Hufflepuff: 470   
Slytherin: 433   
Ravenclaw: 429   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 115, 11th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

  


* * *

**Notebook:** I should change this to credits. Okay, kantomon now has a job for life writing the Lion's Roar (kantomon, please leave an email??). I'm not a girly girl and I have problems writing a fashion column--can you tell? :P Poem from ChickoftheDarkMoon, you all rock. I'm so sorry this chapter took so long (egh) but school started and the death of Ask Moony finally let me finish this. Don't worry, not permanent death. I'm also coordinating a group for reviews at http:// e (on my bio) and my muses, which now can be rented for a quarter a day. No guarantees, of course. 


	12. 12th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Word on the Street ** _(read like a TV broadcast: Sirius has enchanted the picture to display the following scene.) _

"This is Sirius Black," Sirius yells over the noise of giggling and deftly ducks James swatting at his head, "here for the Gryffindor Oracle. Today, we are here to find out what the average Gryffindor student's opinions are." He runs over to a random girl, who had blonde hair. 

"Here we are with," he pauses, and stares at the girl expectantly. 

"Nagem Rahon," she supplies helpfully. 

"who will answer a few questions for the Oracle. Now Nagem, tell me, exactly how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll Center of a Tootsie Pop?" 

"Forty-two!" she says triumphantly. 

"Wrong!" Sirius says happily. "Next question, what do you think of Slytherins?" 

"They're not all that bad," Nagem says, opening her eyes wide. "I think that they've got a reputation to live up ta, ya know? And that they kind of have to or else they won't be evil enough and--"

"WRONG!" Sirius shouts angrily. "They're slimy evil gits! Next question! Why did the chicken cross the road?" 

"So she could talk to James," Nagem sighed dreamily. Sirius backs slowly away from the girl and then yelps as a random fangirl pushes him to the floor, where minor scuffling out of the line of vision ensues. "And here we are with Sitara Anderson, who will answer even more questions for the Oracle! Sitara, exactly how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll Center of a Tootsie Pop?" 

"Three thousand and thirty three," Sitara says, laughing. 

"WRONG! But close. Next question, what do you think of Slytherins?" 

"They're evil!" Sitara answered triumphantly. 

"WRONG! But close. They're _slimy_ evil _gits._ That's the important part. Next question, why did the chicken cross the road?" Sirius demands happily, looking at her expectantly. 

"For a good snog, of course," Sitara answers breathlessly and scoots in closer to Sirius, who is grabbed from behind by James Potter, who stares down at him menacingly and pushes Sitara away. 

"PADFOOT!" James bellows. "What did you do to my Lily??" 

"And this is James Potter, star Chaser of the Gryffindor Quidditch team to answer a few more questions for the Oracle!" Sirius say gilbly. "So James, how many licks does it take to get to the center of the Tootsie Roll Pop?" 

"What did you do to her?" James demands. "My precious Lily!" 

"Um...riiiiight," Sirius says nervously, then hurriedly says: "Um...I think this wraps up our broadcast..." he clears his throat and continues to talk very fast and ducking out of the picture frame: "Check-in-with-the-Oracle-next-time-for-more-exciting-storIES!" he yelped as James tackled him from behind. 

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony**

Dear Moony,  
I've told you once, I'll tell you again... I NEED SOME BLOODY UNDERWEAR  
-You Know Who  
_(from Lemon)_

Dear You Know Who,   
_Voldemort_ needs underwear?   
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
*looks under bed* THERE'S MY NEW STASH OFF UNDERWEAR! Excellent! *ripes package open and starts smelling his new underwear*  
Padfoot  
_(from Lemon)_

Dear Padfoot,   
.....no comment.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
Is there a potion that can dissolve kryptonite instantly? If so, could you please send me some?  
~Clark Kent  
_(from Blarg)_

Dear Clark Kent,   
No.   
Moony 

_Moony looked up from his letters, staring around the common room for Sirius. "SIRIUS!" _

Sirius grinned and ran over from where he was terrorizing the fifth year girl's dorm. "What, Moony? Why'd you scream?" 

"I got a letter from...Cestari," Moony said, checking the envelope. He held out the enevelope in disgust. "She sent you underwear and socks...it's the day to day underwear and green socks."   
Sirius's eyes lit up and he hugged the underwear and socks, running around the common room. "I HAVE UNDERWEAR!" he shouted randomly. Moony shook his head and went back to answering his letters. 

Dear Moony,  
What is the square root of 12345654321?  
~Your Former Math Teacher  
_(from Blarg)_

Dear Former Math Teacher,   
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicole@msn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_

* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself... 

**Lion's Roar **

What mischeif have our favorite Gryffindor guys been into this week? 

Suave Sirius Black is currently open, after breaking up with Ronda Laybought for the second time since our last paper! Now the cute, michievious rougue could be YOUR boyfriend. We asked Sirius Black what he thought of this: 

"I'm going for a Gryffindor chick this time, Hufflepuffs are a waste of time, and weaklings compared to OUR house." 

I couldn't agree more. 

Meanwhile Arthur and Molly Weasly just had their second adorable little son, Charlie! He's a cute little redhead who'll hopefully be with us in Gryffindor when he's older. They may not be Gryffindors anymore, but graduates are just as important! 

The usual stalking from James has driven Lily to near insanity. 'Potter the Rotter', as she affectionatly calls him, recently bought her a huge box of pinapple sugar quills! As if this overkill (they haven't even hooked up yet!) isn't enough, he sneezes loudly and breaks into 'hives', so Ms. Evans had to carry him to the Hospital Wing. Rumor has it these hives may not have been real, but jsut an attempt to be in Lily's arms. Aww, how desperatly sweet. 

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar! 

* * *

**Lioness Poetry**

The Lioness has picked a poem this week from the fifteen sent to her room and would like to say thank you to all the participants! The winning poem follows. 

And my dreams are all sand and water in me   
hotter in me  
make me burn for you  
make me feel I want to  
cause there's ice in my heart  
under a snow-white sky  
your eyes are the sky  
never sky so blue  
but   
all my skies are filled with pain  
always filled with rain  
you are all my hopes and fears  
battered by my angry tears  
do you even notice? Do you care?  
cracks run through me  
turning inside out   
and  
you've got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen  
do you know it? do you know it?  
and I wish you'd smile at me again  
even just a friend  
more than a friend  
and what are you anyway? How do you feel?  
Do you dream of me and wonder for me?  
will you smile at me?  
please smile for me  
and calm my fears  
again.

_(by me)_

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 422  
Hufflepuff: 464   
Slytherin: 419   
Ravenclaw: 410   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 115, 11th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

  


* * *

**Notebook:** Lion's Roar by Lauren/kantomon (lsg89@comcast.net), who is awesome. REALLY REALLY sorry to EVERYONE for the long wait, and the next one should be up shortly, since I'm in a writing mood again. Love you all, Abby


	13. 13th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**The Eternal Triangle**

Love comes in all shapes and sizes, and with the arrival of spring, we are forced to endure the renewed love lives of all our fellow Gryffindor students, with loves that range from pitiful (James and Lily) to sweet (James and Lily) to naeusating (James and Lily). This is Sirius Black, here with an interesting sad love story about the eternal triangle--the two lovers and the admirer from afar. 

In the beginning, James and Lily were friends. Then came that fateful day when James woke up and announced to his dorm room that Lily Evans had the most beautiful eyes on the face of the earth. Their love was like a slowly blossoming flower--except that it only blossomed in one quarter. James soon overcrowded Lily and Lily rebelled, rejecting the affections of her obsessed stalker. 

Because, in fact, Lily had a crush on Ray Johansan. Ray Johansan, as we all know, is a Ravenclaw that has now graduated, noted for his popularity on the Quidditch Team and good sense of humor--and his numerous girlfriends. Lily soon attracted his attentions, and I have reliable evidence from sources that wish to be protected that Lily was caught snogging Ray several times--the last time by James Potter himself. 

It was a tragic scene--James was angry and hurt, which only resulted in a confrontation between Ray and James, which culminated with James spending a week in the Hospital Wing. But in the end, Lily turned her sympathies towards James, and visited him in the Hospital Wing until he regained consciousness. It is believed that they actually had one civil exchange before James said something containing the words: "under her shirt", then was slapped senseless for another day in the Hospital Wing, whereupon Lily began seeing Ray off and on again. There are theories that James started Quidditch in a pathetic attempt to impress Lily.

This pathetic triangle continued until Ray became a sixth year, and suddenly became besotted with another girl--Miranda Goshawk, the beautiful Hufflepuff Head Girl, (reow!) became Ray's new target. Lily Evans was heartbroken, and for a while Alice Remerta was predicting James/Lily all over the Gryffindor Tower, but it was not to be. James offered Lily a shoulder to cry on, but once again ruined his chances by offering an ill-timed snog session, resulting in another slap and the end of the James/Lily/Ray triangle. 

Will James Potter ever get Lily? Will Ray marry Miranda? When will I learn to leave things like this to Alice Remerta? This has been Sirius Black with the Gryffindor Oracle--tune in next week for another bad episode of _As the Lion Roars._

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony**

Dear Padfoot,   
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHAT WAS THE CRAP YOU WROTE IN THE ARTICLE??? 'OBSESSED STALKER'??? 'PATHETIC ATTEMPT TO IMPRESS LILY'????   
James

Dear James,   
It's all true! All of it! Even the sad naeusating part!   
Sirius 

Dear Moony,   
Can I take over your paper?   
Sirius 

Dear Sirius,   
YOU ALREADY HAVE! Never again!   
Moony

Dear Moony,   
_(whiny)_Why not?  
Sirius 

Dear Sirius,   
Because you suck at giving advice!   
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicole@msn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...

**Lion's Skin **

Our latest vibe this week is nail makeup. Fingernail painting has appeared all over the school in a wave, with new and exotic fingernail polish being the rave. Hogsmeade has a beautiful new color-changing nail polish that is all the rave, and metallic colors are definately in. Long nails, whether real or fake, are looking glam as long as they don't look too long, like claws. Patterns or different colors on nails are in--try varying black and white or silver and red, or using a silver color with darker stripes in the foreground. 

Another common trend is to match your fingernails with your makeup--if you have silver glitter nail polish, match it with silver jewelry and silver eyeshadow that extends a little beyond your eyes to give you a sparkle and a shine. The hair fashion is to wear your hair down, in soft waves, framing your face, and the new lipstick is pink with only a hint of a sparkle, not gaudy ugly red. 

Try to prep up your school uniform with a beautiful red-and-gold Gryffindor scarf to show your House spirit! These scarves look great and can be worn around your waist or your neck and go with almost anything. A lot of people have taken to painting their nails varying red and gold, or red and gold stripes, and some of the more artistic have drawn lions on their nails! 

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Skin, the Gryffindor fashion column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar! 

* * *

**Lioness Poetry**

The Lioness has picked a poem this week from the fifteen sent to her room and would like to say thank you to all the participants! The winning poem(s) follow. 

I wish he loved me   
I see his face   
But e'er he'll haunt me;   
I cannot say.   
~Fireblade 

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 400  
Hufflepuff: 430   
Slytherin: 413   
Ravenclaw: 388   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 267, 13th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

  


**Notebook:** the eternal triangle was inspired by my friend and the two guys that like her...poor Mollee. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, and Fireblade (again) for the poem. This was fast, I know. I wrote it in like ten minutes! Wow, that was so, like, valley girl! Ohmygosh! 


	14. 14th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Pranking in Action**

This is Sirius Black here with the _Gryffindor Oracle, _ bringing you into the very depths of pranking itself. As you may know, I am part of an elite group known commonly as 'the Marauders' who specialize in causing trouble. Now, for the first time, you will get to see an actual prank. 

There are several requirements that are necessary when you want to play a prank: you must have friends (four is a good number), a victim (Snivellus Snape is excellent), pranking supplies (check Zonko's), and a plan. The plan is easy--you sneak out of the common room, play the prank, and come back. But the details of pranking itself are much more subtle. One of our favorites is easy, quick, and requires no preperation at all. It is pranking at its basic-est. 

This prank is called the 'coin' trick, and it usually costs about a Sickle or so. What you do is this: take a Sickle and put a Permanent Sticking Charm on it, then stick it on the floor outside the Great Hall or any classroom, preferably where there is a spot nearby to hide. When people come by, watch them as they try to pick up the coin and snigger hysterically. It's especially funny if the person stops when they have a full armload and can't move it with their foot, so they drop everything and pull on a Sickle stuck to the floor. Taking pictures also adds to the hilarity and can sometimes give you insurance (blackmail). This has been Sirius Black with the Gryffindor Oracle, helping you with your favorite pranks. Now your reporter is off to play some pranks. 

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony**

Dear Moony,   
Why am I so depressed?   
-Depressed 

Dear Depressed,   
Don't they have drugs for that?   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
Sirius won't leave me alone! And he took a picture of me trying to pick up a Sickle! What was wrong with it? Why won't it move?   
-Pranked One 

Dear Pranked One,   
HA!   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
Where, exactly, is Alberquerqe?   
-Misspelled and Clueless   
Ask Bugs Bunny, he's always making a wrong turn there.   
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicole@msn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...

**Lion's Roar**

The gossip has been hot and heavy this week, with romances heating up as spring is definately in the air. Sirius Blask has been seen with no less than six girls--his own personal harem, it would seem. Do these girls know about each other? that's the question our readers are asking themselves as they watch Sirius carry on his double-dating stunt and wonder how much longer this can last. 

But one couple that stays reassuaringly the same is, again, reassuaringly the same. James will always love Lily and Lily will always reject him, right? James, this morning, passed Lily a note that seemed to be crudely written love poems, which made Lily blush then become extremely angry as James had a glass of orange juice thrown on him by his extremely violent crush. Maybe they'll get together and have twelve extremely violent children. 

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar! 

* * *

**Lioness Poetry**

The Lioness has picked a poem this week from the fifteen sent to her room and would like to say thank you to all the participants! The winning poem(s) follow. 

There once was a person named Lily,   
she was really really pretty,   
but she slapped my face,   
and said no to my dates,   
Oh how I love thee, oh Lily!  
_A fifth year_

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 405  
Hufflepuff: 404.7   
Slytherin: 413.4   
Ravenclaw: 399   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 265, 14th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

  


**Notebook:**


	15. 15th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Potentially Evil Artifact Found in Gryffindor Tower **

This is Sirius Black, reporting tonight with this excitingly dangerous story. A mysterious object was found in the girls' dormitorys last night, and it has the whole house, indeed the whole school, in an uproar. The object was found in the fifth year girl's dorm room, under the bed of Lily Evans. 

"I nearly fainted," Kamalla Brothership gushed to your flustered reporter. "I looked under my bed and there it was! I picked it up and then, out of nowhere, blue lettering came up. 'YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER' it said. I was so cared I ran right out of the room screaming!" 

"We don't know yet what it is, but we will find out, and until then it is kept under lock and key," Head Girl Ariana Karimas told your reporter sternly. "We are spending research and the Professors have been alerted." 

The object in question resembles a Bludger, only in smaller proportions and with one flat side where a curiously black liquid presses through a glass sheet. It appears to be made of some kind of synthetic material, and blue letters float to the top of the black liquid randomly, displaying messages from 'YES' and 'NO' to 'YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER' and 'BEWARE THOSE WHO APPEAR TO BE FRIENDS'. 

This object is currently being possessed by Professor McGonagall, who has taken it to examine it further. "Anouncements will be made when we discover what this object is." 

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony**

Dear Moony,   
Okay, I like have this like problem with like saying 'like' every other word. My friends all like, make fun of me, and they like call me this like Valley Girl! Like, how can I prove to them that I"m not like, a valley girl?   
-Like, not a Valley Girl 

Dear Like, not a Valley Girl,   
HA! Get a life.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
Why do you always give such rotten advice?   
-Wondering

Dear Wondering,   
I don't. I don't really give advice at all. I'm paid to write a sort of humor-column in here every week that makes fun of all the poor tortured souls that pour their hearts out to an anynomous columnist.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
Where exactly are those pictures??   
-Purple Evil Eerie King In Notable Green, who's seen Too Much 

Dear P.E.E.K.I.N.G. T.O.M (or something like it),   
There are no pictures!! I swear! I can explain! It was all Sirius's fault!   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
My friend is the Valley girl, and ohmygosh, she's like rubbing off on me! What do I do?   
-Worried about her Cheerleader friend 

Dear Worried,   
Get a life, both of you! You've been watching like, way too much American TV!   
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicole@msn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Ever been plauged by what to wear to Hogsmeade? Ever wondered what colors are in? Well, now you can get fashion advice from the queen of fasion herself....

**Lion's Skin**

Colors seem subdued this week as rain pours down from the sky--gray, blacks and whites are in. White is stunning, and makes you show up in a crowd, but wearing all gray makes you appear shabby, so try to avoid it. Black (the school uniform color) is being worn more frequently on the off time. If you want to spruce up this color, add a splash of neon colors, like a neon green clip or hot pink scarf. 

The greatest color combination right now is black with neon pink hilights, which can look cheap or classy, depending on how you do this style. If you're going for this style, wear your hair up in a high ponytail and curl it to give it a little bounce. Don't go in for too much glitter makeup unless you're going for the Disco Queen look--try to keep it natural and beautiful. Color-enhancing charms are all the rage, making these vibrant accents seem to glow on those neutral backgrounds. If you need help with Color-Enhancing Chamrs, you can stop by the Fifth Year girl's dorm and the Charms prodigy, Lily Evans, will be only too happy to help you. 

And Lily's green eyes have inspired what might have been one of the luckies mistakes in the fashion history of the school--the use of Color-enhancing charms on your eyes, making the colors vibrant and warm. If you're going to do this, wear colored accessories that bring out the color in your eyes. If you have brown or black eyes, try to use pale makeup and lots of mascara around your eyes and lashes to make your eyes appear larger and more liquid. Simplicity is in, with plain Jane going all out with all her innocent schoolgirl charm. 

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Skin, the Gryffindor fashion column. Need fasion advice? Need to know what to wear? Just ask Alice Remerta, dorm room 10, girl's side. 

* * *

**Lioness Poetry**

The Lioness has picked a poem this week from the twelve and a half sent to her room and would like to say thank you to all the participants! The winning poem follows. 

and it feels like it's been monday forever   
still under the weather   
waitin on you, still haven't called but   
it's still monday   
god still monday   
I hate mondays... 

it's still monday   
and I miss you  
So much. 

_(me)_

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 444  
Hufflepuff: 430   
Slytherin: 413   
Ravenclaw: 433   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 244, 15th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

* * *

**Notebook:** Love ya all! It's so much fun to write a fashion column--I like it better than gossip. I never realized how much _my_ school can give me ideas...sigh. Cookies to anybody that can guess what the 'potentially dangerous evil artifact is'! Enjoy; review! 


	16. 16th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Class Census **

This is Sirius Black, your Oracle reporter, here for the class cenus of 197--. Just rip out this article and return the forms to dorm room 10, girl's side, or to Alice Remerta, editor and Fashion/gossip columnist of the Oracle; winners will be in next week's edition. _(This means you, reviewers! Read **Note** for more info.)_

Cutest Girl: __________  
Handomsest Boy: _________  
Nosy-est: _________  
Loudest Mouth: _________  
Class Clown:_____________  
Most Annoying:_____________  
Biggest Bum:______________  
Most Likely to Fail:___________  
Biggest Flirt (girl):____________  
Biggest Flirt (boy):_____________  
Cutest Couple:_______________________  
Valedictorian:_______________  
Next Head Boy:______________  
Next Head Girl:_______________  
Should be in Slytherin:_____________  
Should be in Ravenclaw:____________  
Should be in Hufflepuff:______________  
Teacher's Pet:____________  
Most Athletic:____________  
Most Likely to get in trouble:_____________  
Miss Gryffindor: ____________  
Mr. Gryffindor:______________

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony**

Dear Moony,   
If a woodchuck would cut chuck wood, and a woodchuck could chuck wood, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?   
-Tongue-tied 

Dear Tongue-Tied,   
If a woodchuck could chuck wood, and a woodchuck could chuck wood, then a woodchuck would chuck as much chucky wood as a woodchuck possibly could!   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
I have a problem with speaking in rhyme!   
I seem to do it all the time!   
And if that's not enough,   
(and that's certainly tough),   
then they accuse me as if it were crime!   
-Limericked out of Poems 

Dear Limericked out of Poems,   
Take a deep breath. Then start singing everything you say. 

Moony 

Dear Moony,   
I need sugar! really bad! really really bad! really really really bad! really really really really bad! really really really really bad!   
-I need sugar 

Dear I need Sugar,   
Sirius, I thought you learned that night in the dorm room to quit using all the reallys!   
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicole@msn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...

**Lion's Roar**

There was yet another devastating Lily/James incident this week. I think we could mark the time by them now. Apparently, James tried to pick up some things Lily had dropped, but ended up pouring out the ink on her hair when Sirius shouted: "BOO!" from behind him. Unfortunately, Lily blamed James for this incident, and James and Sirius are trying to ignore each other. 

But that's not been all the commotion this week--strife is in the air. Sirius Black just had a major breakup with Lolinda Lefay, and apparently _she_ dumped _him._ She claims he was cheating on her and publicaly defaced him in front of the entire Gryffindor House last night in teh common room. Many girls are congradulating Lolinda, while still others are starting to dislike her for her mistreatment of the object of their affections. I'm glad I'm attached. 

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar! 

* * *

**Lioness Poetry**

The Lioness has picked a poem this week from the thirty three sent to her room and would like to say thank you to all the participants! The winning poem follows. 

between us   
there's not one thing   
we didn't do wrong   
but we were together   
every step of the way   
and family isn't defined by blood   
and we're closer than brothers can be   
so we'll never, ever say   
goodbye.   
- a fifth year 

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 444  
Hufflepuff: 444  
Slytherin: 444   
Ravenclaw: 444   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 260, 16th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

* * *

**Notebook:** All right! To vote on the class forms, use any characters I have made up as well as the Marauders--no modern day HP characters--and of course some of your own characters, too! Only one vote per person--don't nominate your character for everything, and please use canon and my characters first (as it is my story). Enjoy & have fun! 


	17. 17th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Class Census **

This is Sirius Black, your Oracle reporter, here for the class cenus results. Thanks to everyone who participated! 

Cutest Girl: Lily Evans   
Handomsest Boy: Sirius Black  
Nosy-est: Alice Remerta  
Loudest Mouth:   
Class Clown: Sirius Black  
Most Annoying: Sirius Black   
Biggest Bum: Peter Pettigrew  
Most Likely to Fail: Peter Pettigrew  
Biggest Flirt (girl): Fiona Landon  
Biggest Flirt (boy): Sirius Black   
Cutest Couple: Lily Evans and James Potter   
Valedictorian: James Potter  
Next Head Boy: Remus Lupin  
Next Head Girl: Lily Evans  
Should be in Slytherin: Fiona Landon  
Should be in Ravenclaw: Lily Evans   
Should be in Hufflepuff: Alice Remerta  
Teacher's Pet: Lily Evans   
Most Athletic: James Potter   
Most Likely to get in trouble: The Marauders   
Miss Gryffindor: The Lioness _(note that no award could be given as she is anonymous)_   
Mr. Gryffindor: James Potter  


* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony**

Dear Moony,   
My friend scares me. She lights candles--sometimes seventy or eighty at a time! I'm afraid the dorm is getting set on fire! She wasn't even a pyromaniac until my other friend (who was a pyromaniac) quit being a pyromaniac, then passed on the mania to her! What should I do?   
-Scared of Fire 

Dear Scared of Fire,   
Walk softly and carry a big bucket of water. Or learn the Flame-Freezing Charm.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
My roommate is obsessed with Wendelin the Weird. He says he wants to be just like him and went out listening to Fwooper song for a week, despite our attempts to stop him. Now he walks around wearing nothing but a badger on his head. I'm a little worried. Can you help me?   
-Worried about the Wendelin-Wannabe   
Dear WWW,   
You should be worried. I think you need a switch of roommates and he needs some serious counseling. Just don't go to Sirius.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
I want to start an article where I get to help people with their psychological problems. Can I?   
-Padfoot 

Dear Padfoot,   
It's your column. You can start an article about porcupines and I doubt Alice would care.   
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicole@msn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...

**Lion's Roar**

Things have been heatitng up this week as Sirius Black has taken to the 'psychologist' role, trying to help everyone with their problems. He interviews fangirls, making them lie on a couch while he scribbbles scarily drawn stick figures on his pad, then gives them a disorder no one can pronounce and sends them off with treatment suggestions, most of which include taking baths in chocolate, dying your hair, and/or subjecting yourself to large numbers of butterflies. 

Sirius's foolishness has caused some to laugh, others to roll their eyes, and some--well, one--takes it seriously. Sirius has diagnosed James Potter as 'lovesick', and for the first time, James is taking it seriously (no pun intended). He has followed Sirius's treatment, which includes pranking Lily nonstop, meditating in bathtubs full of pillows, and surrounding himself by Hufflepuff blondes. The hufflepuff blondes have loved this development. 

Needless to say, this constant pranking on Lily has her nerves on the end, and she collapsed in Transfiguration after finding all her quills transfigured into snakes, one of which tried to bite her before McGonagall could stop it. James had to rush her to the Hospital Wing, and what happened there was anyone's guess, but Lily and James walked out holding hands, and the Hufflepuff blondes immediately started wailing. 

How long will this newfound James/Lily relationship last? When will Sirius learn to stop playing the psychologist? Why am I asking _you_ all these questions? 

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar! 

* * *

**Lioness Poetry**

The Lioness has picked a poem this week from the four sent to her room and would like to say thank you to all the participants! The winning poem follows. 

and I'm sorry for the tears I cried   
sorry for the times you lied   
sorry for the love for you   
I hold bottled deep inside   
and I'm sorry for the tragic ending   
when our love was just beginning   
apologies that I could make   
if I could only stop pretending...  
-a seventh year 

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 455  
Hufflepuff: 455  
Slytherin: 455   
Ravenclaw: 455   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 288, 17th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

* * *

**Notebook:**Thanks to everybody who voted! Sorry everybody didn't get to but I wanted this chapter up quick. There's a change :p I went from zero chapters in two months to two or three chapters a day! Weird. The poem is a song from Leshay Collier, a friend of mine. Enjoy, everybody! 

* * *

**The _Oracle_ Challenge**   
Find out who the Lioness is! Use the following clues:  
She is a Gryffindor.   
She is a girl.   
She is _not_ a fifth year or in the MWPP+L year.   
She _is_ a canonn character.   
She has been mentioned before. 

**The Prize:** A cameo appearance in an edition of the Oracle as a Sirius-Fling-of-the-Week (in the Lion's Roar), a Random Gryffindor (or other House member in the main article), a chance at answering the **Ask Moony** section as a fill-in while Moony's sick (as Alice Remerta's best friend), or anything else you want. Good luck! ;) 


	18. 18th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Sirius Counseling**

Have you ever felt sad? Lonely? Like no one understood you? 

Well you worries are over! Sirius Black, your Oracle reporter, is happy to report that a counseling service has been opened in Gryffindor for all those lovesick, heartbroken, over-stressed, and emotionally unstable teenage Gryffindors, run by none other than your own Sirius Black (voted Biggest Flirt, Handsomest Boy, Class Clown, Most Annoying for three years in a row, and one-fourth of those most likely to get in trouble). 

Being a teenage wizard or witch is a difficult time in everyone's life--you feel like no one understands you or cares about you, you feel overstressed, you feel hormonally charged, and you feel like you need counseling. Sirius Black is here to help. With more than 20 certified mental problems himself, he is just the guy you want to talk to. I've been to so many psychologist I can give you their routine by heart, I could write you the textbook, and I know all the answers, which is just what _you_ need to cope with your emotionally unstable years. I know the pressures of having a big break-up, worst enemies, gossip behind your back, jealousy, stress from school work, having detention (386 times), and all the other problems in your life. 

Why go to expensive counselors that don't know you? I'm a Gryffindor, and I know that Gryffindors are a breed apart, and consequently know just how to deal with our mental problems. Don't go to some crackpot who doesn't know you--come to Sirius Black, who you know and trust. 

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony**

Dear Moony,   
I've considered counseling with Sirius for my pyromaniacy. Should I? Can he really help me?   
-New Pyromaniac 

Dear New Pyromaniac,   
NO! DON'T YOU DARE ENCOURAGE HIM! YOU'LL END UP GIBBERING IN THE HOSPITAL WING! I'VE HAD TO PUT UP WITH THIS CRAP FOR FOUR DAYS NOW AND SIRIUS IS GOING TO DIE SOON! But other than that, I would suggest ice cream, which is the anithesis of Sirius, despite their obvious love for each other. Opposites attract, you know.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
What _is_ the antithesis of a Care-Bear?   
-wondering 

Dear Wondering,   
Snape.   
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicole@msn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...

**Lion's Roar**

Well the news this week is definately the census results. I was most offended to find out that I should be in Hufflepuff, but I can only put it down to Sirius rigging the votes. As the editor of the Oracle, I got to see many of your entries, and they were amusing. Well, onto the gossip. 

Fiona Landon seems to be basking in the light of her 'Biggest Flirt' award. She seems to take this as a personal excuse to be a hooker at every possibility, and the only one immune to her flirting is the one she most wants to attract--James Potter and Sirius Black. Sirius went out with Fiona briefly before Christmas, but as many Sirius Fling of the Weeks, Fiona was left, heartbroken, in the dust while Sirius's short attention span moved on to another girl. Fiona seemed to take this as a personal insult, and since then has resulted to the lowest level of sluttiness to make Sirius pay attention to her. Needless to say, Sirius was too busy playing the psychologist and obsessing over green Jell-o and pink and purple bunnies to notice her. 

Fiona Landon, angered, seems to have turned her attentions on James Potter, who--everyone knows--is hopelessly in love with Lily Evans, so her flirting had no effect at all. Now she is merely annoying the decent girls of Gryffindor with her prescense. 

And despite the obvious lack of Lily-James-ship, Lily and James were indeed voted the cutest couple, which made me believe most of our readers love the amusing cuteness (and occasional loudness) of their relationship. Of course, despite their hand-holding incident last week, Lily seems to have gotten aggrevated at James, considering the amount of pumpkin juice he was wearing this morning, and they are no longer a couple. This 'cutest couple' award seems to only have put wood on Lily's fire of anger, so avoid her if you don't want detention. 

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar! 

* * *

**Lioness Poetry**

The Lioness has picked a poem this week from the twenty sent to her room and would like to say thank you to all the participants! The winning poem follows. 

Identity   
by Julio Noboa Polanco

Let them be as flowers,   
always watered, fed, guarded, admired   
but harness to a pot of dirt.

I'd rather be a tall, ugly weed   
Clinging on cliffs, like an eagle   
wind-wavering above high, jagged rocks.   
To have broken through the surface of stone,   
to live, to feel exposed to the madness of   
the vast eternal sky.   
To be swayed by the breezes of an ancient sea   
carrying my soul, my seed,   
beyond the mountains of time or into the abyss of the bizarre.

I'd rather be unseen,   
and if, then shunned by everyone   
then be a pleasant-smelling flower   
growing in clusters in the fertile valley   
where they're praised, handled, and plucked   
by greedy human hands. 

I'd rather smell of musty green stench   
than of sweet, fragrant lilac   
If I could stand alone, strong and free   
I'd rather be a tall, ugly weed. 

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 410  
Hufflepuff: 426  
Slytherin: 415   
Ravenclaw: 444   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 290, 18th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. The poem _Identity_ copyright Julio Noboa Polanco, used without permission as I don't know if she still exists and where or when.

* * *

**Notebook:** Love you all, you know that. No winners in the Lioness contest yet, thou keep trying! Review with an answer, and if it's right, I'll email you and tell you. So leave an email. Otherwise it's pointless. The poem is a real poem, called Identity, by Julio Noboa Polanco, and it belongs to her. If I could hit three hundred, that would be nice, but expect more chapters tomorrow, as there is no school (YAY! JOY! LOVE! HAPPINESS! REJOICING!). 


	19. 19th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Send A Goldnote!**

Want to tell a girl you like her but don't have the courage? Want to tell a friend just how much you appreciate them? Want to insult someone or play a prank? 

All this can be accomplished with a Goldnote! Goldnotes are gold cards that come in any shape or size with scarlet insides that displays a message, which can also be conveyed by voice in a variation of the Howler. You can use your voice, or remain anonymous by using any one of the voices belonging to Marie Nalon, Megan Nroh, or Natalie Hguab. Not only that, but you can send your Goldnote with flowers, candy, or green Jell-o! So what are you waiting for? At only three Sickles apiece, everyone can afford them! Send your Goldnote today! 

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony **

Dear Moony,   
Sirius keeps telling me I need anger management and it is really getting annoying. Can you make him stop?  
-Lily 'I don't need anger management' Evans  
_(from little-lost-one)_

Dear Lily,   
If you say so.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
YAY! Thank god you're back! Sirius was scaring me. Anyway, my question is why is Snape wandering the halls way past curfew? I always go out for my midnight snack and I always see Snape. I'm sure he doesn't have permission to be out late, and it'd be nice to se Slytherin lose points...Should I confront him? I mean, if it was anyone else I would, but his hair is so greasy I'm afraid it will hurt me if I get to close. WHAT SHOULD I DO?  
~Midnight Wanderer afraid of Snape's hair~  
_(from Wiccan Princess)_

Dear Midnight Wanderer afraid of Snape's hair,   
Sirius scares all of us. He does it because he's a slimy git and he likes to sneak around being a slimy git! You can't take away points unless you're Head Boy or Girl...are you? Snape's hair will hurt you and possibly kill you. Confront him from a distance.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
Sirius ate my green socks! He ATE them! What is he on? And why out of all people did you let HIM take over your column last week, yes I know he's handsome, but he ate my green socks! And I don't think the Styrofoam is working. This charm he now uses is ruining our lives! I mean! I liked my green socks! One of them even had sparkly Snitches on them! The cheek! Can you tell him to take the charm off, and tell him to be nice the house elves?  
-Green sock less  
_(from Golden*Faerey in Sirius Denial)_

Dear Green Sock Less,   
Um, are you surprised? I didn't let him take over my column. I told James to take over my column. I can tell him, but he doesn't listen to me.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
Can you please tell Lily's friend to stop telling me I'm going to die! She just keeps on passing me notes in Charms saying "You're gonna die Potter. So is Lily, so is Sirius. Remus will be a teacher. Peter will be the downfall of all of you - Elizabeth" Sure, she's saying nice things about Lily and I getting together! But the whole death thing is really freaking me out! Can you, do something about it?   
-Prongs  
_(from Golden*Faerey in Sirius Denial)_

Dear Prongs,   
I've tried. Lily's tried. She keeps saying I'm a teacher.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
I was quite disturbed to see a rat, a dog and a stag in the prefect's bathroom yesterday.. Am I hallucinating, or were there really animals watching me bathe?   
-Aladdin  
_(from Golden*Faerey in Sirius Denial)_

Dear Aladdin,   
I'll....talk to my dorm mates about their pets.   
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicole@msn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...

**Lion's Roar**

Well, Sirius Black has been just as annoying as usual. He has dropped the psychologist-role for a new torment to his fellow Gryffindors: he runs around the common room telling other students: "I touch myself." If any innocent Gryffindor asks him: "What?" then he'll touch his face and laugh hysterically. 

Beside's Sirius's annoying new phase, a new trend has been started by the students of Gryffindor. A group of third years, consising of Megan Nroh, Natalie Hguab, and Marie Nalon, has started a new way to send anyonomous notes. Called "Goldnotes", they're a kind of anyonomous Valentine that anyone can send to anyone else, and come with your choice of flowers, candy, or green Jell-o. Marie, Megan, and Natalie have enchanted these Goldnotes so that they can carry a human voice in much the same way as Howlers without the huge sound. And these have been sent to almost all students. Sirius Black is notorious for sending them to Slytherins singing shrill love songs, and to one person as another, causing several unlikely or likely couples to hurry it up and get on. 

And with these Goldnotes, another sweet stroke shows through. James Potter has, (some say as an attempt to impress Lily) sent Goldnotes to all the people in Gryffindor. For those students who don't receive any Goldnotes, this is a sweet gesture and has even more girls fainting over his feet. But for all the Goldnotes everyone else has gotten, Lily Evans has received thousands, almost all singing horribly written poetry. 

And your gossip columnist can exclusively reveal, through Marie Nalon herself, that Remus has come to them at least six times, all with different variations on what kind of love-note to send to Aladdin Niadra. "Some are really horrible," she said, making a face. "Some were beautiful. But he still hasn't made up his mind." 

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar! 

* * *

**Lioness Poetry**

The Lioness has picked a poem this week from the two sent to her room and would like to say thank you to all the participants! Her favorite appears below. 

cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't enough for you to be able to be open wide  
and every time you speak her name does she know how you told me you'd hold me until you died  
but you're still alive and I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away  
it's not fair to deny me of the cross I bear that you gave to me   
you, you, you oughta know 

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 410  
Hufflepuff: 426  
Slytherin: 415   
Ravenclaw: 444   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 290, 18th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra and Alice Remerta copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

* * *

**Notebook:** I thought this chapter would come easy, but there I go thinking again. :7 Well, anyway, enjoy now that it's come! The poem is from the song 'You Oughta Know' by Alanis Morisette and Sirius is inspired by Justin Sulfridge, the small Sirius-act-alike. Go Justin. For all you NL people, Goldnotes inspired by Boograms. 

**Challenge Updates:** I've had two winners so far, but I haven't heard back from them, so their names won't be posted. Everybody is going back and pulling out all the OCs I ever used, but it's none of them. Once you know, you'll just go "Oh!" and understand. Anyway, enough with tantalizing hints. One more **hint:** she ain't a....fifth year. The other word was too easy to guess. 

_Anonima_, sweetheart, I write all the characters. But I did not do an SI as the Lioness. She is Canon. _Duskrider Q_, you're trying too hard. It's much easier than that. 


	20. 20th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be more of the front pages of...

**

The Gryffindor Oracle

**

**Cheerleading Sensations**

This is Sirius Black, your Oracle Reporter, here to report on an amusing and disturbing incident that happened Tuesday morning. All the Gryffindors had come downstairs for breakfast, thinking it would be a normal day, but they couldn't be more wrong. 

A short while after all the Gryffindors had been seated at the Gryffindor Table, the doors of the Great Hall burst open to reveal several well known Slytherins, such as Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Black, and Severus Snape, all dressed in gold turtlenecks with red sleeves, emblazoned with a lion and a scarlet 'G'. But the most disturbing aspect of this uniform was not the red-and-gold pom-poms they carried, or even the fact that they were wearing Gryffindor colors. No, the most disturbing fact was not even the fact that they were wearing gold underwear! The most disturbing fact was that they were all wearing red miniskirts--and they all looked incredibly like cheerleaders. 

Cheerleaders, your amused reporter found out, are muggle atheletes who's purpose is to cheer on the players of any muggle game--basketball, football, whatever. And they are usually girls. They lead the crowd in cheers, which is just what they did, leading the entire Gryffindor Table in a re-endition of: "Gy Lions! Beat Snakes! Go Lions! Beat Snakes!" 

They did several other cheers, and then Snape performed a series of acrobatic flips that were simply amazing--a "cartwheel, front flip, back handspring, and back tuck" according to experts--and then Snivellus...Severus and Narcissa were hoisted in the air by one leg, showing off a disturbing amount of underwear. 

All the Slytherins were promptly given detentions, because of course they could not have done this by any way other than their free will. "Sure, it was weird and out of character," Marie Nalon shrugged, "but unless someone used the Imperious Curse--and I doubt it, just for a prank--or hypnotized them or something..." 

For now, all Gryffindor Students can do is wonder. And be amused or disgusted--take your pick. 

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can... 

**Ask Moony **

Dear Moony,   
I am currently in the hospital wing in the form of a pink donkey and have to dictate this letter to my friend. This is the fault of a certain 'greasy-haired git' in Slytherin. I am extremely P.O'ed, and I wondered if you had any ideas for REVENGE? >|-]   
-Revenge Will Be Slow and Extremely PAINFUL!! Muahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Dear Revenge,   
He sleeps with a fluffy teddy bear called 'Snuggles'. Spread it around. 

Moony, you git,  
You will pay for this!  
-I Do *Not* Sleep With a Teddy Bear (aka Snape)

Dear Teddy Bear,  
My mistake, it's a stuffed bunny isn't it? ^_^  
-Moony  
_(all the above form Luinramwen)_

Dear Moony,  
How come you never answer my letters? Why is the sky blue? Why do eggs have yolks? Why can I not stop reading green eggs and ham?  
-Questioning

Dear ??????????,   
Because....I don't feel like it. The sky is blue because the amount of nitrogen in the atmosphere is more than any other gas and nitrogen happens to reflect and scatter blue more than any other gas. Eggs have yolks so you can eat them. I think you need to get counsling from Sirius.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
I am a Slytherin female who reads this paper. Since I know you will be wondering why, I will be blunt and say that the Slytherin paper is simply horrible. (As a side note, if any Gryffindors would like to ask questions and/or throw insults at me, just publish a meeting time and place.) Great apologies for the long, but necessary, introduction. My question is this, how can I get a certain Gryffindor boy to like me? Before you think I am mistaking this column for a romance advice column, let me clarify. I am not talking about romantic love, merely wanting the boy in question to not desire me dead every time we cross paths.  
-Hopeless?  
PS: I personally have been enjoying the pranks on Slytherin (as Lioness said, Slytherins have no loyalty).  
_(from PryncessD)_

Dear Hopeless,   
I wonder what the Sorting Hat was smoking when it sorted _you_....isn't that always the question? My advice--if he's Sirius, send him some green Jell-o, if he's not, send him anonymous notes from an un-identified person of an un-identified house and discuss the matter. Then tell him it's you--he'll change his opinion.   
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicole@msn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle! _

* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...

**Lion's Roar **

Well, Sirius has a new fling of the week! Sarah Faye Angele _(SerephAngel, cameo apperance)_, of Gryffindor, is hiw new girlfriend. But unlike many of Sirius's past girlfriends, this one has been met with aproval by much of the house. Sarah is a fifth year, and the reasons for this romantic meeting are quite amusing. 

"It was hilarious," Marie Nalon said, smiling. "She walked up to him and said, 'I like your socks.' I think Sirius fell in love with her just because of the socks." But who knows how long this crush will last? Sarah is a beauty, with black hair and dark eyes, and the two have been seen all over the common room, like most of Sirius's past flings.

And Lily and James are at it again. I don't know why I even bother to write about those two anymore, because it's happening so much none of the Gryffindors actually care. Anyway, James tried to put his arm around Lily, Lily smacks him, da-da-da-da-da...anyway. Remus finally (finally!) sent a Goldnote to Aladdin, which she took in private. She and Remus both refused to tell anyone what it said (as did Marie, Natalie, and Megan, for privacy's sake), but Aladdin came out in tears and enjoyed a very long snog with her long-time boyfriend. Love is in the air. This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar! 

* * *

**Lioness Poetry**

The Lioness has picked a poem this week from the twelve sent to her room and would like to say thank you to all the participants! Her favorite appears below. 

**An Ode To Lily**   
Lovelier than her namesake, her gorgeous nose   
In purest white, like driven snows  
Like a calm sea, then a wild hurriccane  
You hear her sweet voice, like gentle rain.  
-Anonymous

* * *

**House Points Currently:**

Gryffindor: 410Hufflepuff: 426  
Slytherin: 415 Ravenclaw: 444 

* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 365, 20th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra and Alice Remerta copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

* * *

** Notebook:** I wrote this in...oh, an hour. I'm in Flordia right now, so I had the hardest time getitng all this. Blarg. But I got one cameo appearance in...SeraphAngel, your email was weird, so sorry I didn't get back to you. But here you are! Enjoy, all. 


	21. 21st Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Marauding Merchandise **

Have you ever wanted to play a prank but not had the materials? Ever wanted to get back at someone for that cruel remark they said? Ever just wanted to be funny? 

Well, the Marauders are here to help. We've just opened a line of merchandise, which includes everything from Ear-Shrinking Earmuffs (for only a galleon) to magically multiplying green Jello (seven sickles), to Secret-Concealing Notebooks (if someone but you tries to read it, all they see are various textbook excerpts--a bargain at only five galleons for a hundred and fifty pages!), to Portable Self-Inflatable Bathtubs (special introductory price of ten galleons!) for those feeling a little bit silly. 

Do you want to buy these hot new items? Want to find out what all of them are, see a complete inventory? Just stop by room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, or see James Potter, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, or Peter Pettigrew any time! 

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony **

Dear Moony,  
If you're flying down the highway, and your wings fall off your boat how many pancakes can you stack on top of a green doghouse?  
-Padfoot  
_(from Silver Sparklez)_

Dear Padfoot,   
Have you taken your medication today?  
If you're flying down the highway you're liable to be seen by Muggles, get in trouble with the Ministry and not _care_ about your wings falling off your boat except for that one moment when your life is in danger, or what you can do with your doghouse. I think that it depends if you put the pancakes in rows, stack them on top of each other, or glue them together. Usually about 569, somtimes about 568.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
There's this boy who sits next to me in Herbology, with the biggest ears in the world! Seriously they're ten feet long! Well anyway, they always wack me when he moves his head and it prevents me from doing my work! What do I do?  
-Tired of Big Ears  
_(from Maleo)_

Dear Tired of Big Ears,  
I would suggest an Un-Engorgement Charm on them. Of course, for only a galleon, you can buy the special Ear-Shrinking Earmuffs from the Marauders!  
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
I have this problem. See, every night I turn into a...a chicken! Then in the morning I'm a girl again. But I don't know what to do! Can you help me?  
-Chicken-ed Out

Dear Chicken-ed Out,  
Talk to McGonagall...it sounds like a serious Transfiguration mistake that could be easily rectified.  
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
Why do you use big words?  
-Clueless

Dear Clueless,  
To raise the awarness level of the complexity that comes naturally with creating believable, enriched dialogue and variating my sentences to make my vocabulary prolific. ^_^  
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicole@msn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...

**Lion's Roar**

Well. This week, relationships have been soaring as Valentine's Day grows nearer and nearer. Sirius has found yet another girlfriend in Alex Luthandra, who is short, pretty, half-redheaded, etc. But she's a seventh year! I mean, has he no tact! No sense of social justice! But for all that they make a cute couple--and Sirius has been sweeter than with most girls, sending Alex a Goldnote complete with twelve red roses and a poem that was (to quote Marie:) "corny but sweet, just like Sirius". Awww! 

But something is out of order in the cosmic James-Lily balance! James has, so far, IGNORED LILY every single night, barely glancing at her once! What has happened? Has Sirius tried to counsel him? Why are the Marauders staying in their dorm and not bugging the common room? We can only expect an even worse annoyance as they withdraw and regroup, bracing ourselves in the meantime. But there are always the lovesick ones---Karri Almea thinks Sirius is taking this time to consider a new girlfriend, nevermind his fling with Alex. "And I'm going to be prepared," she told your gossip columnist grimly. "I'm creating a Twelve-Step How-To-Get-Sirius Plan that involves studying his old girlfriends, and I plan to introduce it as a series of seminars for our House alone!" Riiight. As if we don't have ENOUGH to do with O.W.L.s and all. 

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar! 

* * *

**Lioness Thoughts**

The Lioness has picked a poem this week from the thirteen sent to her room and would like to say thank you to all the participants! The winning poem follows. 

Living is dancing, and you are the dancer   
Within you in the answer if only you'll dare   
Tame lightning's lances far over your mountain   
Drink at wisdom's fountain, though rider in air  
-Wind-Writer

**Thoughts:**   
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance.

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 400  
Hufflepuff: 400  
Slytherin: 400   
Ravenclaw: 400   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 367, 21st edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra and Alice Remerta copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

* * *

**Notebook:**For some reason, many people seem to think I have abandoned this fic...not at all. Hmm. Thanks to Shannon for helping with the Lioness column, Fireblade K'Chona for the song from Mercedes Lackey, and everybody else who helped with Ask Moony. Cameo appearance of Sandra in the fling of the week (as Alex). **A Canon character is a character JK who is in the books,** for all who asked.

Other Stuff: Some people think I've abandoned this, but I am working on fics. I'm putting Ask Moony up on SugarQuill or Fiction Alley soon, staring a new SLYTHERIN fic for my Slytherin fans, and working on Road Trip & Girl Scouts. Enjoy!   
Love, Abi =) 


	22. 22nd Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Mysterious Disappearing Doorknobs **

A mysterious happening is happening all over the school, and it has alarmed countless people. "I don't understand it," Kerry Johnson told your reporter with wide, frightened eyes. "I reach for it...but it's not there! It disappears!"

Indeed, many students of Hogwarts have been traumatized by mysterious disappearing doorknobs. (And besides that, there are exactly twenty two Sickles stuck to the floor outside the Great Hall, unremovable by anyone). Disappearing doorknobs are described by Professor McGonagall, head of Gryffindor House, as: "a childish prank, foolish and traumatizing already overstressed students." 

But is it really that harsh?

"I don't see any harm with it," James Potter, Gryffindor Quidditch Team Captain said nonchalantly. "I mean, sure it's a little childish, but then again it's all in fun, right? And if you're going to be 'traumatized' by a disappearing doorknob, you're obviously under too much stress anyway." 

Indeed, most people seem to agree with Potter's statements. "I don't see anything dangeorus in it," Seventh Year Alice Remerta said frankly. "I mean, sure it's childish, but not dangerous as McGonagall makes it out to be." Are disappearing doorknobs really evil? Your Sirius Black thinks not. 

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony **

Dear Moony,  
My friend says the sky is blue because of light reflecting off the ocean. I tried to tell him he was wrong and that it had something to do with gases. I also told him the ocean isn't blue. The blue comes from reflection of the sky. How do I convince him that I am right?  
-Annoyed with Friend  
_(from Little-lost-one)_

Dear Annoyed with Friend,   
Stop sending contridactory messages. Tell your friend that the ocean is really purple, and he's colorblind. That always freaks them out.  
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
James is ignoring me and it is starting to scare me. I don't mind him leaving me alone, but what has caused this sudden change.  
-Lily  
_(from Little-lost-one)_

Dear Lily,   
In the words of a third grader: That's for us to know and you to find out. Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah nyah-nyah!   
Moony

Dear Moony,  
Can you get James to stop ignoring Lily? She keeps going on about how James is ignoring her. The other day she confessed that it was weird for her not to be pestered by James and that she sort of missed him. Okay, well she didn't exactly say that she missed him, but she implied it.  
-Lily's Dorm mates  
_(from Little-lost-one)_

Dear Lily's Dorm mates,   
Don't tell anyone, but James will soon be paying attention to Lily. This is going exactly as accorded to plan...Mwhahahahahaha!   
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicole@msn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...

**Lion's Roar**

Well, things are getting interesting this week. It is Valentine's Day at long last and couples are EVERYWHERE. James and Lily are almost as pathetic as ever. First of all, just when Lily had broken up with her one-week boyfriend Doug Sanders, James came up to her in the middle of the common room and said: "Lily, you're a bitch and for all I care you can burn in Hell." 

Oh my gosh! What went wrong here? If James had hoped to make Lily infatuated with him by playing hard-to-get, he was not far wrong. Despite the protests of many Gryffindors to Lily that "he loves you!" Lily was heard saying: "I would never, never, never never ever go out with James Potter in a million years. I hate him with the power of a thousand suns."

Some even suggest that James was merely staging the entire thing to get Sirius to quit bugging him about Lily, but it didn't work. James approached Lily later, trying to explain that this was exactly what he was doing, but Lily didn't buy it. "I don't give a damn if you are Quidditch Captain, James Potter," she shouted. "If you're going to act like you're ashamed to be around me, that's your problem! Leave me alone and go back to your pathetic friends!"

Poor, poor James. Ah well, better luck next time. But in odder news, Lily's past boyfriend Doug Sanders has admirers. Tara Kingsley is reported to be going after the handsome sandy-haired boy now, but sources report that Doug likes Fiona Landon, who still has her sights set on Sirius! This is turning into a soap opera! 

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar! 

* * *

**Lioness Tip of the Day**

Don't accept a gift from the Marauders. _Ever._   
The Lioness

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 312  
Hufflepuff: 367  
Slytherin: 414   
Ravenclaw: 357   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 367, 22nd edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra and Alice Remerta copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

* * *

**VERY IMPORTANT NOTE:** _Ask Moony_ is now posted at fictionalley, at the address . Review there for all Ask Moony stuff. 

For anyone who's wondering about James ignoring Lily and pretending he hates her, read _Girl Scouts_ and all will be clear. 


	23. 23rd Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Flying Valentines' Day! **

Well, this is your sickly disgusted reporter Sirius Black, here with yet another story of love at Hogwarts. This week marks Valentine's Day (retch), that over-advertised, over-rated holiday that requires all decent men get off their lazy butts and go buy presents for their girlfriends. But come on girls! We're men! We have no idea what girls want for Valentine's Day.

Not unless you're Sirius Black, that is! Here to help you with your last-minute Valentine Gift woes is the master of women psychology. Women always want people to buy them things, and traditional gifts are flowers and chocolates. Well boys, flowers are romantic and heart-warming and chocolates say 'You're anorexic,' but JEWELRY is the gift to give. In the words of James: 'Girls don't like boys! Girls like brooms and galleons' with a dazzling Quidditch-Captain smile, off to buy gifts galore for his own crush. 

But Lily just proves our case. After a boquet of twelve dozen roses was delivered to her room and promptly torn into shreds and thrown all over the floor of the dorm room, James tried again with fifteen lilies and a box of Honeyduke's best chocolate. And Lily again ripped up the flowers and, in the words of her dorm mates: "sat around staring broodingly at the chocolate, then began attacking it like it was James's head, muttering scary things under her breath the whole time."

See? The gift of the season is jewelry. Earrings are all the rage right now among girls--they're trendy and flirty without being too serious. Rings shout: 'COMMITMENT' and necklaces invite something more intimate. Bracelets are out of it unless you're dating a Goth, which case I'd be advising you against buying anything at all. 

But what if you really don't like your girlfriend? What if you have a crush who might not be intersted? Valentine's Day is the perfect time for any of these--if you don't like your girlfriend, don't send her anything. If she still doesn't get the message, give her some Ear-Shrinking Earmuffs to seal the bargain and I guarantee that she'll dump you. Got a crush? Send them notes anonymously--be subtle and shy yet flirty and and sweet. Girls love the sensitive-thing. 

This has been Sirius Black with the Gryffindor Oracle. Tune in next time to watch me get my head ripped off by hundreds of angry Gryffindor girls! 

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony **

Dear Moony,  
I like this guy, but this guy likes this girl, but this girl likes another guy, and this guy likes this other girl, and that girl likes this other guy, but that guy likes some other girl, and that girl likes another guy, and that guy likes another girl, but that girl likes this other guy, but that guy likes me. What should I do?  
-Complicated

Dear Complicated,  
Go star in a soap opera.  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
Sirius is planning to paint Snape orange and purple. Should I warn him? Or just call him weird names and laugh?  
Painting Snape

Dear Painting Snape,  
Call him weird names and laugh. What kind of Gryffindor are you?!  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
I need advice that can't be helped with memory charms or counciling. Could you meet me at the Astronomy Tower and we can see how we make out from there?  
NOT another obsessed, sex crazed Moony fan

Dear Another Obsessed, Sex-Crazed, Moony fan,  
Nope. I might not look like the brightest bulb in the box, but don't be deceived.   
Moony

Dear Moony,  
Padfoot need to get over the jell-o. He needs to get a life before we all kill him.  
Girls in the dorm

Dear Girls in the Dorm,  
Thank you, Captain Obvious(es).  
Moony

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicole@msn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...

**Lion's Roar**

Love is in the air as Valentine's Day is upon us! James has once again gone overboard on presents, giving Lily twelve dozen roses first, which she tore into shreds. Then he gave her fifteen lilies, which she tore up. Then he gave her chocolate, which she attacked while muttering scary things under her breath. Then he gave her a necklace, which she threw in his face (and hurt him, judging by the imprint that diamond made). It also looks like someone tried to tell him about stones in jewelry.

Well, jewels have been used for years to give messages to people. Solitary stones all mean different things--diamonds mean love, rubies mean beauty and seductiveness, emeralds mean friends, sapphires mean you're sweet, and birthstones mean thinking about you. But when used together, the first initials of these gems often spell out messages: a popular message (and one Frank Longbottom got me) is to get Lapis lazuli, Onyx, V, and Emerald to spell out the word 'love' in gems. How sweet! 

So tell your loved one how much you appreciate them this Valentine's day! This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar! 

* * *

**Lioness Tip of the Day**

No one likes candy canes on Valentine's Day.  
The Lioness

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 312  
Hufflepuff: 367  
Slytherin: 414   
Ravenclaw: 357   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 400, 23rd edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra and Alice Remerta copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

* * *

**VERY IMPORTANT NOTE:** _Ask Moony_ is now posted at fictionalley, at the address askmoony. Review there for all Ask Moony stuff. 

Oh, and I have posted a short column/author's note thingy that explains a lot of the writing of the Oracle and reveals who the Lioness is, for all you who've been dying to know. It's at writingoforacle.html . I've redesigned the site and renamed it, so check all that out. Sorry it's been so long and I love you all! Thanks for helping me hit 400! Cookies to anyone who can find the Good Charlotte reference ;) Merry Valentine's Day...I mean, Christmas. Love, Abi


	24. 24th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

** Interviews with Random People **

**Black:** This is Sirius Black, your reporter for the Gryffindor Oracle. Today, we are here with Random Person Chelsea Madding, who is here to give us Random Information on Random Subjects!  
**Madding:** Hi *waves*  
**Black:** Yes. Now, Chelsea--can I call you Chelsea?--what do you think about penguins?  
**Madding:** I like penguins. I've never met one personally, but I think that it is a very cool animal and that they deserve to be on pajama pants.  
**Black:** That is most interesting! So Chelsea, what do you think on that all-important issue: should we have macaroni-and-cheese on Tuesdays or Thursdays?  
**Madding:** I like having macaroni-and-cheese on Tuesdays. I think it's a really groovy thing and Tuesdays are always bad for me anyway because I have History of Magic on Tuesday and I hate it.  
**Black:** Who doesn't? Now, Chelsea, what do you think about...bow ties verses ties?  
**Madding:** I think it's kind of like berets. Some guys can pull off a bow tie, some guys can pull off a tie, and some guys look sexy in either, some look better with their shirt half unbuttoned *glances at Sirius*  
**Black:** Thank you for this intersting insight to the Gryffindor female mind! This has been Sirius Black with Chelsea Madding, in our new series _Interviews With Random People._ Want to be interviewed? Well, just hang around the common room when I'm doing these interviews!

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony **

Dear Moony,  
What is the air speed velocity of an un-laden swallow?  


Dear Curious,  
A swallow can beat its wings 43 times per second but only if its not carrying a coconut. Also, those are _European_ swallows, not African swallows.  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
Sirius kidnapped by pet parrot and decapitated all my little sister's Barbie dolls. Then he stole all of my glitter and jewelry and my secret stash of sugar packet. He has sent his dog to steal random articles of my clothing including two thongs, one bra, and my favorite bikini. Sirius has also taken to watching me behind the bookshelves when I'm in the library and following me around. What should I do?  
-Annoyed with Sirius

Dear Annoyed,  
Don't worry about it; you'll get the parrot back. I think he just has a crush on you.  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
Were you murdered by your twin brother so that he could name Rome after himself?  
-Padfoot

Dear Padfoot,  
That was my great to the power of 300 grandfather Remus. I'm named after him. Ironically, my brother was the one who was named Romulus and is a Squib...  
Moony

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicole@msn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...

**Lion's Roar**

Well, Sirius Black has a new fling-of-the week, unsurprisingly! This week, he's going out with fellow fifth year Rachel Greenlaw, that fun, slightly insane brunette we all wonder about. They're both insane and love Muggle music! They should get along well. 

But, sadly, some people are already wondering exactly how long this new fling would last! Haley Kinarin has already started a betting pool on how many days/weeks this couple will last; so far the betting ranges from two days (which is what it is now) to five weeks, which is Sirius's record for going out with anyone. Poor Sirius; he's so abused. Wait, what am I saying?!?

Well, other couple news is getting almost sickeningly funny this week. James and Lily are at it again--apparently, the whole facade of ignoring Lily was really just a desperate attempt to get her to go out with him. Jordan McKinnon, while borrowing a quill from Peter Pettigrew, found in the dorm room a whole book on the 'Sirius 12-Step Girl Scouting Method' which was all geared to make Lily fall in love with James! Jordan told his dormmates, who spread it all over the common room, and now Lily is angry beyond words as well as an interesting shade of red. Some people have reported that she was seen crying by this!? How true are these reports? 

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar! 

* * *

**Lioness Thought of the Day**

Sleep is good. People are stupid.

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 314  
Hufflepuff: 327  
Slytherin: 314   
Ravenclaw: 367   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 400, 24th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra and Alice Remerta copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

* * *

**Notes:** Sorry that I took so long with the contest winners! Here is Punurple (sissyrachie@cox.net), featuring as a fling of the week. I'm having fun with _Interviews With Random People,_ so I'll continue it for a while. This chapter is dedicated to UnPatient, who sent me a (nice) flame about how I haven't updated in a month. I hadn't realized it'd been so long =P. Sorry, and love you all! 


	25. 25th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

** Interviews with Random People **

**Black:** This is Sirius Black, your reporter for the Gryffindor Oracle. Today, we are here with Random Person Lucy Harting, who is here to give us Random Information on Random Subjects!  
**Harting:** Like, hi!   
**Black:**Like, whatever! Now Lucy, can you give us your opinion on pickles?  
**Harting:** I like pickles on my sandwiches sometimes, and I like the little sweet kinds.   
**Black:** Disgusting! How could you! So Lucy, what did you think about the lovely Slytherin reendition of the Bohemian Rhapsody this morning at breakfast?  
**Harting:** It was funny. I laughed so hard I cried.   
**Black:** Yes, it was, wasn't it? Anyway, now can you tell our readers what you do in History of Magic class?  
**Harting:** Like, I paint my nails! I don't have time in any other class and it's not like we ever do anything important in there anyway!  
**Black:** Thanks, Lucy! This has been Sirius Black, giving you amusing insights into the Gryffindor Population with _Interviews with Random People_. Come back next week for more useless information from random people!

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony **

Dear Moony,  
I 'accidently' poured a two liter bottle of Mountain Dew onto Snape while teaching first years how to make a wet Snape out of Snape. Now Snape is out for my blood. What should I do?  
~*little-lost-one

Dear Little Lost One,  
I don't think you really have a reason to fear. I mean, Snape has been out for Sirius's blood for years, and has that bothered Sirius? You tell me!  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
Have you ever made something out of something?  
-Padfoot

Dear Padfoot,  
Yeah, that one time with that one thing in that one place with that girl with the eyes and the hair...you remember that?  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
Why do you always tell Sirius to go to sleep? Does he ever listen to you?  
-Curious

Dear Curious,  
Because that's the most sensible thing to do when dealing with Sirius. Nope.  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
If the wind is blowing at *licks finger puts it to wind*45 degress do south, and Rumplestilskin is doing the hokey pokey and he turns his self around, and pluto is in uranusas' ninth house *shrugs shoulders*(i dont know) then what in the world is up with snapes hair? I mean have you seen that thing? theres like a whole eco system growing in there, that only survives on grease!  
-Lady Lil' Fred

Dear Lady Lil' Fred,  
I don't know. Someone started a rumor that he washed his hair in Lestoil, but what is Lestoil?  
Moony

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicole@msn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...

**Lion's Roar**

Well, things have been very interesting this week. This morning, the whole of Gryffindor house was serenaded by the Slytherins, singing Sirius's favorite song: "The Bohemian Rhapsody" by the muggle artist Queen. This flagrancy seems to point directly to Sirius and he (along with the other Marauders) has been assigned to detention for a week. But the mystery is how did he make them do it? He's not talking and even McGonagall can't find out. 

Lily has been acting really weird all week. Some girls say she's sick, some say she's upset, and Madria Lovegood claimed that Lily had a crush on James and was pining for him! Mad Madria, what would we do without her. Of course that's not true---right? I mean, it's an unwritten law of nature that Lily hates James and James loves Lily, right? Somebody tell me what the heck is wrong with the picture!

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar! 

* * *

**Lioness Thought of the Day**

History of Magic has been the most boring class in Hogwarts for about three million years. Has anyone figured out why? 

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 400  
Hufflepuff: 378  
Slytherin: 400   
Ravenclaw: 378   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 400, 25th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra and Alice Remerta copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

* * *

**Notes:** Poor Lily really does like James and she really is pining for him. Awww. But Alice is too thick to figure it out. Thanks to everybody who reviewed. 

**THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS**...for there are only eight weeks of school left, and thus only seven more episodes of the Oracle (take a week off for O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s). I actually started this after the school year started and will cover through the end of school. I might do the MWPP 6th year, if popular demand is great enough. Thanks to all reviewers, and I love you all! 


	26. 26th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

** Interviews with Random People **

**Black:** This is Sirius Black, your reporter for the Gryffindor Oracle. Today, we are here with Random Person Abigail Lydian, who is here to give us Random Information on Random Subjects!  
**Lydian:** Hi.  
**Black:** Yes, hi. Now Abby--can I call you Abby?--can you tell us about how you feel about green socks?  
**Lydian:** Well, I think you're weird, but you like green socks, so that's your thing. I like socks that are purple. And I prefer 'Abi' with an i on the end.  
**Black:** Yeah, whatever. Now Abby-with-an-I, you're a sixth year, right? How does it feel to be test-free for a year?  
**Lydian:** It's great. Sixth year is the best because you're done with O.W.L.s, and N.E.W.T.s are coming but still far enough off that you don't really worry, and everybody just messes around all year. Nobody really cares about schoolwork. I swear you're going to love it.  
**Black:** I'm dying with anticipation. Do you have any thoughts on lava lamps for our loyal readers?  
**Lydian:** What's a lava lamp?  
**Black:** O-kay, thanks a lot Abigail for your very intersting insights into the freakishness of sixth years!   
**Lydian:** *Iaughs* Glad I could help.  
**Black:** This has been Sirius Black, reporter for _The Gryffindor Oracle_, here with your series of _Interviews with Random People._ Come back next time for more useless and stupid information!

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony **

Dear Moony,  
I have this friend who likes torturing advice columnists. I want her to stop, but I think...I mean, SHE thinks it's so much fun! What should we do?  
-Future Death Eater..., uh, friend of a future Death Eater

Dear Future Death Eater,   
You should KILL HER NOW!!!!  
Moony (on the edge of his sanity)

Dear Moony,  
Sirius is planning to paint Snape orange and purple. Should I warn him? Or just call him weird names and laugh?  
Painting Snape

Dear Painting Snape,  
Call him weird names and laugh. What kind of Gryffindor are you?!  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
I was in divination yesterday, and Professor Trelawny went all weird (weirder then usual) and told me that I was a traitor. Should I ignore her?  
Wormtail

Dear Wormtail,  
Yep.  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
You are aware that Aladdin is a BOY'S name, right? Does your girlfriend get that a lot?  
--The Incredibly, Discerningly Observant One

Dear Incredibly Discerningly Observant One,  
Yes, I am, but am I correct in discerning that you are making fun of my girlfriend? And with your amazing powers of observation, are you aware that you are likely to get your nose busted in? Just asking...  
Moony

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicole@msn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...

**Lion's Roar**

Things have been weird all week! There is more news to add to last week's scandal: James Potter was using this '12-Step Program' to get Lily to sleep with him, according to Jordan McKinnon! Could it be true? Could James Potter, sweetheart and all-around good-guy of Gryffindor, really have been using Lily like that? 

The girls have all taken Lily's side, of course, and most boys even are doubting James for doing such a low-down thing openly. Poor James! Poor Lily! Lily has been understandably upset and angry about this, smacking James Potter twice, flipping him off as well as cussing him out, and throwing her ink bottle at him, which now results in a bruise and cut on his forehead. And couples everywhere are being affected by the James-Lily user rumor. Girls are starting to distrust their boyfriends! Are all boys like this? I need to go talk to Frank....

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar! 

* * *

**Lioness Thought of the Day**

O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s absolutely suck. For everyone.

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 400  
Hufflepuff: 378  
Slytherin: 400   
Ravenclaw: 378   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 400, 26th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra and Alice Remerta copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

* * *

**Notes:**If you couldn't tell, Abigail Lydian is me :). I get special priveleges, being the authoress and all. Love you all, and review!   
Shameless plug here: To find out why Lily's pining, check out: 'You Used to Make Sense', my new short story!

**THE COUNTDOWN Continues...** with only six episodes left! Next episode will have Mel, the last contest winner. For more on the format of the last couple of chapters and have all mysteries revealed, check out the Writing of the Oracle ( purpleabigail/writingoforacle.html and take out the spaces). The 32nd Edition will be super-long and fun; check for info on that. 


	27. 27th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

** Interviews with Random People **

**Black:** This is Sirius Black, your reporter for the Gryffindor Oracle. Today, we have with us Mel, who is here to help give us Random Useless Information on Random Subjects! Hey Mel!  
**Mel:** Hey!  
**Black:** Yeah, hey yourself. So Mel, can you tell us exactly how you feel about lightbulbs?  
**Mel:** Lightbulbs are so cool! They rock my socks off! I mean, lightbulbs are just...illuminating!   
**Black:** Faaaaaascinating. Mel, how do you feel about History of Magic? Do you think it's boring?  
**Mel:** Well, yeah! I love that class because all I do is sit around and pass notes...it's great!   
**Black:** And last but not least, the very important issue of: hair color! Which hair color do you think is the sexiest for guys?  
**Mel:** Black, of course *puppy dog eyes at Sirius*   
**Black:** Mel, thanks for being interviewed for the Oracle! This has been Sirius Black with _Interviews with Random People_! The really weird show where I act like a talk show host and am really sarcastic all the time! And why am I speaking with so many exclimation points!? To find out, come back next week for another edition of _Interviews with Random People!_

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony **

Dear Moony,  
I keep having hallucinations that jelly is coming out my eyes, my nose and my ears! Only, when I wake up, I find there really HAS been jelly coming out my eyes, my nose and my ears! HELP!  
-Jelly on the Head

Dear Jelly on the Head,  
Um, I think that you really have a problem. Did it ever occur to you that maybe your dormmates are playing pranks on you? Just wondering...  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
Sirius is still harassing me. He stares at me at meals; follows me around the castle; sends his dog to steal my hair brush and orange socks; has taken to read all of favorite books; attempts to engage me in a conversation about these books while I'm studying; and I caught him attempting to steal from my stash of candy canes in my hollowed out HoM book. Since when does Sirius read over-one-thousand-page epic fantasy novels and Shakespeare. And, I thought he sent his dog to get green socks. Sirius is starting to scare me and I'm getting really confused about his behavior. What is up with him?  
-Still Annoyed With Sirius

Dear Still Annoyed With Sirius,  
You're not too bright, are you? He likes you, duh...just ask him to Hogsmeade or something...  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
Is it unhealthy to see a movie three times in theaters with intentions to at least see it four more times?  
-Obsessed

Dear Obsessed,  
Depends on the movie.  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
Nobody likes me. Everybody hates me. What should I do?  
-Not Emo

Dear Emo,  
Just go eat worms!  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
Do you like fluffy little cats?  
-cats

Dear Cats,  
With garlic. ...um, I mean sure.   
Moony

Dear Moony,  
I have never been kissed and I am 12. My best friend has had eight b/fs already. I asked a guy out who was 16 but he said I was too young but he dated my friend over night. Then dumped her.  
-Boyfriendless

Dear Boyfriendless,  
That wasn't a question!   
Moony

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicole@msn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_   


* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself...

**Lion's Roar**

Well, things have been very intersting. This past week, at least five fights have broken out in the Great Hall alone, with dozens more happening that go unreported, even to me, the nosy gossiping reporter! Tensions have been growing this week and it all began with a verbal skirmish in Potions between (who else?) Sirius Black and Severus Snape. Sirius made Snape so mad that Snape pulled out his wand to curse him, right in front of the teacher, and the two were down on the floor fighting, both wands gone, in less than five minutes! What totally immature pricks!

Things have just gotten worse since then. Sirius, as well as all the other Marauders, have been plotting revenge on Snape all week. How will all this turn out? Nobody knows! 

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar! 

* * *

**Lioness Bad Pick-Up Line of the Day**   
One hears a great many things when one is in class all day long, including several _very_ bad pick-up lines from the most desperate of subjects. Today's pick up line is:

If you were a booger I'd pick you first.

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 328  
Hufflepuff: 343  
Slytherin: 318   
Ravenclaw: 325   


* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 480, 27th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra and Alice Remerta copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters. 

* * *

**Notes:**Poor Random Intervewees! Mel is the next-to-last contest winner, all go congradulate her. Next is Caminna, who has dealings between a MWPP-Slytherin encounter of...interesting...variety. Heh. Anyway, love you all and REVIEW! Review! The pickup line comes from Carrie (north_softball_11@hotmail.com). I emailed Mel for the interview, but she didn't email me back, so I wrote her responses. Sorry Mel! 

**THE COUNTDOWN Continues...** with only five episodes left! As always, check out the Writing of the Oracle (. purpleabigail/writingoforacle.html and take out the spaces) for any Oracle-related info you were always dying to know but never really knew how to get till know. 


	28. 28th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of... 

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Interviews with Random People **

**Black:** This is Sirius Black, your reporter for the Gryffindor Oracle. Today, we have with us Caminna, who is here to help give us the front-line story from this week's big event. Caminna, will you tell us about it?  
**Caminna:** Well, you were the one who started the fight...  
**Black:** A-hem! Just talk about it, already!  
**Caminna:** Well, you, James, Peter, and Remus started beating the snot out of Snape because he called Lily a Mud-Blood. Mostly James, but I think it was you who broke Snape's nose. Anywhoo, pretty soon it was joined by Rosier, Wilkes, and Avery. James beat Snape's brains in, you managed to rip Rosier's shirt off along with half his skin, and Remus actually bit Wilkes, so says the Slytherin common room gossip. Avery narrowly avoided getting his eyeballs gouged out by Peter, from what I've heard, though I only saw the first three.  
**Black:** Just what is the Slytherin view on all this?  
**Caminna:** They hate you.  
**Black:** I meant something that's not usual.  
**Caminna:** Well, there is a lot of nasty retrubition talks, so I'd watch my back if I were you. But, happily, I'm not.  
**Black:** And one last question: why the heck are you a Slytherin?  
**Caminna:** I want to take over the world.  
**Black:** Who doesn't?  
**Caminna:** Most Hufflepuffs I know.  
**Black:** Point made. Well, anyway, this has been Sirius Black with a not-so-random interview with one of the Slytherins who witnessed today's HUGE fight scene! Will this continue? Will the Slytherins recover? Who cares? Will we ever get out of detention?! Probably not! So come back next week for more _Interviews with Random People!_

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can... 

**Ask Moony **

Dear Moony,  
I touched an old daily prophet that was in the common room, and now I am in a graveyard. Do you know where I am or how I can get out?  
Stuck in a Graveyard 

Dear Stuck in a Graveyard,  
You're in a graveyard! Apparate or something, I don't know.  
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
I have an A clarinet. I know how to use it. Leave me some good reeds outside of room 111, third floor coridoor before sundown, or else I will start squeaking in Sirius's ear. You have been warned.  
Driven to Rash Measures in the Quest for the Perfect Reed 

Dear D.T.R.M.IT.Q.F.T.P.R.,   
I don't even know what a clarinet is. Ask Monica!  
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
Do you have any really good recipes for Raspberry Cashew Ice Cream? I asked the house elves, and they need one before my craving can be satisfied!  
Ice Cream Fanatic 

Dear Ice Cream Fanatic,  
Ask Sirius or McGonagall. I know it sounds weird, but McGonagall has recipies for anything. Seirously.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,   
For some reason, whenever I try to calculate "What is six times seven?" on my abacus, I come up with 43... Why isn't it working right????? I would try someone else's, but when I go to ask someone, I get this unfathomable fear that the universe is going to end... What am I going to do??? My Arithmacy homework is due after Lunch!  
Abacus Blues 

Dear Abacus Blues,  
I think it's a psychological problem, it will be okay. Go read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and you will understand.  
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
If Peter Pettigrew picked a peck of pickled peppers, then how many Pickled Peppers did Peter Pettigrew pick?  
Peter likes Pickled Peppers? 

Dear P.l.P.P.,  
First of all, peppers cannot be pickled and then picked. You pick them, pack them, pepper them, then pickle them.   
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
I have a brimming desire to lick Flitwicks foot. During charms all I think about are those feet. I have started a fan club FFF ( Flitwicks Feet Fundaisia.) So far nobody has joined. Why?  
Professer Flitwick's Feet Lover 

Dear Feet Freak,  
Maybe because you're a FREAK?! Go eat ice cream, get counseling, and subject yourself to large numbers of butterflies. You will be happier.  
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
I went on a date with this pretty redhead from Gryffindor. I really like her and all, but I have a few... issues with the whole thing. You see, your nutcase friend James is stalking her, and I'm really starting to get paranoid. Just last week he got me with a bad Haemorrhoid Jinx, I couldn't sit down with three days. Sure Lily's hot in that miniskirt, but I can't deal with Potter. Can you please do something?  
Guy from Ravenclaw. 

Dear Guy from Ravenclaw,  
You might want to talk to a Professor or something. James is way beyond my league of 'Able-to-Control-Things.'  
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, (or purplenicolemsn.com) and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_

* * *

Wondered what's going on in Gryffindor? Ever wanted to know what's happening? Well, now you can find out from the Queen of Gossip herself... 

**Lion's Roar**

Well, it's the last week of school, but things haven't cooled down! There was a HUGE fight this week between the Marauders and the Slytherins that's coming to be known as the great PSBRLAPW (Potter-Snape-Black-Rosier-Lupin-Avery-Petigrew-Wilkes) Brawl of '85. It all started in Double Potions, under the nose of Professor Grimay. Snape called Lily Evans, the famous Potter Crush of '85, a Mudblood right in front of James's face. Actually, I think he was talking to James. James, too quick for Remus to restrain, gave a strangely animal-sounding cry of rage and dove at Snape, knocking them both to the floor before he began to bash Snape's brains in mercilessly. This kid has anger management problems. But it didn't end there. 

When Snape's Slytherin-associate Evan Rosier started coming towards James with his wands, Sirius tackled him, knocking the wand out of his hand and them both to the ground, wrestling furiously. Avery started in on both of them but Remus stopped him and soon THOSE two were rolling on the ground. Wilkes pulled out his wand to curse them all, but Peter counter-hexed him so that both of them have pink skin and noses the size of watermelons--or they did. All this with Professor Grimay screaming at them. Finally, he knocked them all out with a Stunning Charm. All eight have detention until the end of the year (not far) and Gryffindor's House Points have been severely docked for starting a fight, though naturally Slytherin didn't lose nary a one. Grimay wouldn't even have given them detention of McGonagall hadn't insisted. Old cow. 

But there's also a report that as soon as Grimay Stunned them all and they explained, Lily Evans ran from the room, followed by her friends Tara, Mackenzie, and Alicia, all of whom probably just wanted to get out of the classroom. How will this play out? 

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Roar, the Gryffindor gossip column. Have any juicy tidbits of gossip? Share it with me--slip it under dorm room 10 and it could appear in Lion's Roar!

* * *

**Lioness Useless Fact**

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 218  
Hufflepuff: 313  
Slytherin: 338   
Ravenclaw: 367

* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 480, 27th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra and Alice Remerta copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters.

* * *

**Notes:**Caminna is one cool little Slytherin chick, for a Slytherin. Thank you all SO much for helping me hit 500! The 32nd Edition will be open-forum for you to send in comments. More depth in chapter 31. I missed the West Wing to upload this for you peeps! You rock!   
**THE COUNTDOWN Continues...** with only four episodes left! I want this over before summer, so that gives me this week and next week to finish it. I have part one of sixth year written, but I also have several other things to do. Checkout out WOO (Writing Of the Oracle) for anything you didn't know, under my site.


	29. 29th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Detention: What to Do When the Worst Is Happening**

This is Sirius Black here with the Gryffindor Oracle, and today I'm here to help you with your problems. Have you ever had detention? Probability says yes. There have been two hundred and thirteen detentions served this year by Gryffindors alone--only three hundred and thirteen in the entire school. Some students dread detentions, which vary from scrubbing trophies to writing lines to hunts in the Forbidden Forest. I, Sirius Black, have personally served over a hundred detentions this year and since I am stuck in detention for the rest of the year, you can turn to me for all your detention-needs. 

Skivving off detentions is not recommended. Instead, use your detention time wisely. If a teacher has left you alone in a room to copy lines, spell your quill to write them for you while you do homework or another, more profitable, activity. Sent to scrub trophies? Even if Pringle is watching you, put a quick spell on your cloth when his back is turned and enjoy much less elbow ache the following morning. Stuck organizing Potion's ingredients for Professor Grimay? Simply slip a few boomslang skins in with the wormroot powder--and laugh with glee when he opens it to find nice bang in his face. 

This has been Sirius Black with the Gryffindor Oracle, telling you how to make your detentions better. Remember, a detention wasted is a lesson lost! 

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony**

Dear Moony,  
Why do you always tell Sirius to go to sleep? Does he ever listen to you?  
-Curious

Dear Curious,  
Because that's the most sensible thing to do when dealing with Sirius. Nope.  
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
Do you think Lily would like it if I gave her lillies? I don't want her to be insulted, but I think it would be rather sweet. Are they pretty? Do you think her parents named her "Lily" after the flower?  
-Lily lover 

Dear Lily lover,  
if you're James, she wouldn't like it. If you're anyone else, she would probably think it was sweet.  
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
Ok, I changed my mind. James is quite nice really. Will you ask him out for me?  
Red hair Gryffindor 

Dear Red hair Gryffindor,  
What has Padfoot been feeding you?  
Moony 

Dear Moony,  
I've given up on Lily. Can you recommend any girls?  
Prongs 

Dear Prongs,  
I don't know, why not ask Sirius, who has dated every single Gryffindor girl fourth year and above?  
Moony 

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_

* * *

Ever been plauged by what to wear to Hogsmeade? Ever wondered what colors are in? Well, now you can get fasion advice from the queen of fasion herself.... 

**Lion's Skin **

Well it is the end of the year and the begining of summer and we are **lovin it!** Break off those hot black robes, cause free time is now spent in less constricting clothes. Cool summer colors are in--pastels in blue, green, and pink. Light fabrics are recommended, and lots of girls are doubling up with tank tops and a thin overshirt that can be removed if needed. Flip-flops are back in, these light cool shoes able to be slipped on or off at a moment's notice. 

Along with the flip-flops has come a new craze all about feet! Girls want to make sure that their feet look good before showing them off, so a pedicure is a great solution to this. Toenail polish is a must as well--keep away from neon colors. If you have really tanned feet, you might try a bright or lightly-colored shade, and if your feet are pale, go for the deep blood reds, emerald greens, and royal blues. 

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Skin, the Gryffindor fashion column. Need fasion advice? Need to know what to wear? Just ask Alice Remerta, dorm room 10, girl's side.

* * *

**Lioness Tip of the Day**

When baking brownies, if you triple the recipe, don't triple the oven setting

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 415  
Hufflepuff: 388   
Slytherin: 425   
Ravenclaw: 403

* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 517, 29th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra & Alice Remerta copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters.

* * *

**Notices:** Finally! This was fun to write...er, find in my attic. Poor Sirius, stuck in detention for all that time. I hope you enjoyed it! I love you all to death. 500?! You rock my socks off. 

**THE COUNTDOWN Continues...** with only three editions left! Checkout out WOO (Writing Of the Oracle) for anything you didn't know; there's a link to it in my bio, and it will be posted as chapter 33. 


	30. 30th Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of...

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Having Fun in Hogwarts**

Well everybody, O.W.L.s, N.E.W.T.s, and exams are over and summer is just about here! Everyone's restless and anxious to be out of school. Classes are pratically over and it seems like we're not doing anything. The only thing left to do is...party!

And in the spirit of the times, James Potter, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and your truly, Sirius Black, have started a dance club of sorts on Friday and Saturday nights, in the Room of Requirement (seventh floor, opposite the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy being clubbed by trolls). If you wanna get in, you better be ready--door security Peter Pettigrew is armed with enough hexes and jinxes to knock even Grimay off his feet. Host and crowd control James Potter carefully monitors the drinks and crowd--you better believe that if you wanna start a fight, you're gonna be out. Remus Lupin is DJ, and yours truly Sirius Black leads the dancing and activities, helping crowd control and keeping everyone happy. 

It all started when yours truly was listening to the radio in the common room and heard the popular new dance hit by Astrolab, "Dance Magic". It was as if a switch had been hit in the common room. Fingers began tapping all over the room, and Kamalla Brothership declared: "This is my favorite song!" and started dancing. At her cue, several others started dancing as well, and looking at them, the idea came. Even Lily Evans, strict prefect, was soon singing to herself (as noticed by James Potter) and tapping her fingers on her textbook. The song was soon over, but the idea remained.

The Marauders went straight to Dumbledore with the idea, knowing no teachers would approve. The Headmaster, keeping in spirit with the times and knowing more about the student population than the teachers, said yes, even if he did put restrictions on. Any students from any house are allowed to come, but no one under third year. The party starts at eight, when detention is over, and is over at one am on Fridays and midnight on Saturdays, and all music must be passed by him. The professors were, of course, outraged, but Dumbledore let the whole thing continue. Let's get one cheer for our wicked awesome Headmaster, Gryffindors!

This has been Sirius Orion Black, here with the party of the year. Rock on!

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can...

**Ask Moony**

Yo Moony,  
Bust a move!  
-Dancin' 

Dear Dancin',  
If you haven't noticed, I'm the DJ.  
-Moony

Dear Moony,  
What is the air speed velocity of an un-laden swallow?  
-Curious

Dear Curious,  
A swallow can beat its wings 43 times per second but only if its not carrying a coconut. Also, those are _European_ swallows, not african swallows.  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
I've been abducted by an Azguard and cloned. What should I do?  
-abductee

Dear Abductee,  
Go eat ice cream and contemplate the meaning of your life vs. the vastness of the universe.  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
Were you murdered by your twin brother so that he could name Rome after himself?  
-Padfoot

Dear Padfoot,  
That was my great to the power of 300 grandfather Remus. I'm named after him. Ironically, my brother was the one who was named Romulus and is a Squib...  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
Are you dead yet? Can I poke you?  
-Padfoot

Dear Padfoot,  
You scare me. Go away.  
Moony

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_

* * *

Ever been plauged by what to wear to Hogsmeade? Ever wondered what colors are in? Well, now you can get fasion advice from the queen of fasion herself....

**Lion's Skin **

It's the end of school. Exams are finally over and it seems like everyone's gettin a little crazy! In the spirit of the party, James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin have turned a room on the seventh floor into a dance floor on Fridays and Saturdays. This new craze has sparked a new trend in clothes, a trend nicknamed wryly "Dance Whore Dress" by Abigail Lydian, fourth year. 

To go to the dance, you want clothes that are comfortable, can last all night, and are, of course, attractive. Robes are out as too bulky and awkward, as well as plain boringness. Most girls are going in for tight, comfortable shirts in dark colors. Pants are trickier. Some girls have taken to wearing miniskirts, but these are usually tight and restrict leg movement--not to mention the chance of guys taking advantage of the fact. Jeans are comfortable enough and can be attractive if you get the right style--tight enough to show off nice legs but much safer than miniskirts. 

Shoes can be the trickest to pick out. You want shoes that will wear well to dance in--which pretty much puts high-heels and pumps out. Sandals are definately not dancing shoes, though if you do go for them, don't get slide-ons. Trainers aren't even close. Flat shoes are your best bet here, and if you can find them, Gladrags in Hogsmeade has a dancing slipper that are beautiful and last all night. For those of you who can't find them, try flat shoes with support inside for lasting comfort, and in some fun colors. Choose a shape that looks good on you. 

Accessorizing can be tricky. Don't bother with elaborate hairstyles--something that's simple and will look good all night. Don't wear too much jewelry--a necklace on a low neckline can do wonders. If you put your hair up, try dangling earrings to show off your neck line. I wouldn't bother with rings, but a few bracelets won't go amiss.

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Skin, the Gryffindor fashion column. Need fasion advice? Need to know what to wear? Just ask Alice Remerta, dorm room 10, girl's side.

* * *

**Lioness Poem of the Day**

Am I the child I used to be?   
Or have I changed?  
I'm hiding away  
Drifting away  
Locked inside I still try to hide  
From the memories  
From the truth  
Can you see me?  
Am I real?  
Do I live?  
Am I just a small girl  
Being pushed in the background?  
Or do I live?  
Whither I shall go,  
I know not  
Goodbye

* * *

**House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 411  
Hufflepuff: 411   
Slytherin: 411   
Ravenclaw: 411

* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 564, 30th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra & Alice Remerta copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters.

* * *

**Notices:** This whole chapter dedicated to Stephanie, who I'm starting a dance club with.

Thanks to Soul Lysythe Ice for the poem! Roles and idea from Solarism in her fic **Deconstruct, a Memoir**, which belongs to her. Praise her and go read it. 

**THE COUNTDOWN Continues...** with only two editions left! Checkout out WOO (Writing Of the Oracle) for anything you didn't know; there's a link to it in my bio, and it will be posted as chapter 33.   
**Chapter 33** will be huge. There will be a section for **reader comments, lots of poetry, memories, looking back on the year, what you think of the Oracle's first year being published in Gryffindor, etc.** Feel free to submit any and all of these.


	31. The Chapter That Isn't a Chapter

**

The Chapter That Isn't A Chapter...

**

Hey guys, this is just a note from your friendly neighborhood authoress, Abigail-Nicole, wanting to let things know how you're doing. Er. I mean, let you know how things are going.

It had been so long since I bothered to search my attic for newspapers and type them up to share with the world that my friends started bugging me. "NICOLE, when are you EVER going to update the Oracle!?" she begged me, half-shrieking, half-screaming. "You HAVE to update it!"

"I know!" I cried pietously. So, as an incentive to make me type up their adventures, I brought James, Sirius, Moony, Alice, and the Lioness to my house.

Big. Mistake.

I'm being driven insane. They fight all the time. My friend got Moony addicted to Halo and Halo 2, and now he's refusing to write his column until he's beaten the game. And he SUCKS at playing the game. Sirius is incorrigible. He stays up until one a.m. playing Halo with Moony, then gets up the next day just in time to watch _The Young and the Restless_. Yes, beloved readers, Sirius Black wakes up every morning and watches _The Young and the Restless._ He's started a fight with Alice, wanting her job instead so he can write about the plights of the characters, but I had to put my foot down.

And if anyone is familiar with the Wheel of Time? Yep, beloved Sirius has read that as well. And quotes that obnoxiously, so the rip-off of _Callandor_ in the title comes from his influence as well.

And as for Alice? She irks me. Ceaselessly. As in begging for every shred of gossip I can give her, constantly pairing me up with my friends, and finally getting to the point that I've made her play Halo with Moony, who lept at this chance to destroy a newbie to the game.

James, don't get me started on James. I live, conveniently, on a lake. When he's not flying his broom over the lake at top speeds, screaming: "TORNADOS FOREVVVVEEEERRRRR!" or playing Halo with Moony (they all do), he's watching The OC. Which I, desite the craze, am not that fond of. And The West Wing, which is tolerable. But when he turned on Desperate Housewives, I took away his TV priveleges for a month--so now he's converting my friends so they'll tape the OC for him.

You guys only _think_ you love the Marauders.If Peter were here, they'd burn down my house in five minutes flat. And if Lily were here? She'd probably never get a moment to herself.

The Lioness, whom many have guessed, I will not reveal here. She is rarely active in the many pranks Sirius and James like to play (Moony being too video-game-obsessed), but the ideas spring from her, I know it. She's the only calm one of the bunch--to me. She watches The West Wing obsessively, like the rest of us, but instead of spending all her time in front of the TV with the Marauders she actually cooks. She has tons of things written for _her_ column, of course, but I have to wait on Moony and Sirius before I can type up the next one. And Moony's driving me insane.

deep breath

So.

You want em? You can _have_ em. I just hope the final chapters will be out soon.


	32. 31st Edition

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of... 

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**The Mysterious 'Lioness' Makes Tabloid Headlines**

Everyone in Gryffindor--indeed, everyone who reads the Oracle--is familiar with the mysterious "Lioness". Rumors of the Lioness's true identity have been flying since she was introduced to the Oracle. But who is she?

After the dissolution of the lackluster newspaper staff last year, Alice Remerta, current Editor and Gossip Columnist, had to hire staff for every position in the paper. When asked about how she hired the Lioness, Alice admits she has no idea who the mysterious person is, either.

"She sends in her column by owl every week," Remerta admits. "I've never actually _seen_ her. No one knows who she is."

And recently, the "Lioness" drama has been stirred up when the inferior Hufflepuff house newspaper published an article headlined with: **LIONESS EXPOSED!** and a long article inexpertly detailing, with a veritable pleathora of contradicting and third-hand information, that Gryffindor's Lily Evans was the Lioness!

"Honestly, of course I'm not," Lily said irritably, when inquired on the truth of this matter. "I hate poetry. Most of it's absolute crap, anyway! If I wrote a column, it'd be much more practical."

But despite her constant (and annoyed) denials of this, the fire cannot be put out. Debates rage on more heated than ever. "Personally, I'm still betting on Pettigrew," Frank Longbottom said. When asked why, he just shrugged. "That's one bloke with a hidden side. I woudn't be surprised if he were the poetry-writing type."

Who is the Lioness? It's for her to know and us to...not know. For the last time, this has been Sirius Orion Black, with absolutely no idea who it is so quit asking me, you twits.

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can... 

**Ask Moony**

Dear Moony,  
My best friend Aira Fletcher went to one of Sirius' counciling sessions, and came back convinced that she was a llama. This is becoming a serious issue...she keeps trying to eat my plant. What should I do? Do you think it's possible to sue Sirius?  
Friend of a seriously mentally impaired llama impersonater

Dear F.O.A.S.M.I.L.I,  
I think you should hit her over the head with a large textbook. When she comes around, if she still thinks she's a llama, take her to the Hospital Wing. And it might be possible. Possibly. I wouldn't try it, though. Very old family with lots of money.  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
My best friend is in love with you , and is starting to scare me. She's been following you everywhere, and stealing you're things to put in a Remus-related shrine. How can I stop the maddness! Oh and your Girlfriend is in danger. Scary Danger. Be at the south side of the lake at ten tomorrow so my friend can't drown her.  
-Trying To Be Helpful

Dear Trying,  
Thanks for trying to be helpful. Your talents would have been put to more use informing the authorities about your friend's obsessive tendencies so she can get the counseling she deserves. But I have a date with my girlfriend all day tomorrow, so there's very little chance of someone drowning her.  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
Why are you such an inconsiderate arsehole? I thought you were the nice, bookworm. Get a life instead of making fun of the patehtic ones existing around you.  
-Inquisitive

Dear Inquisitive,  
I'm glad you take such pleasure in insulting me. I have a life. I actually was hired to this job, remember? I get to sit around and make fun of people asking for help! Why would I stop now? Just because you're jealous is no reason to get upset. I'm having way too much fun to quit now.  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
My best friend has finally decided to go out with a boy you might know, who sort-of used to drive her insane (no Sirius has not fed her anything) only to find that he's givving up on her! I need them to get together! I have 5 Galleons riding on them getting together! Help!  
-Oh no my money!

Dear Losing Money By The Hour,  
Sorry, I'm not a matchmaker. Talk to Sirius or Alice for that.  
Moony

_Do you want Moony to answer your questions? Send them to room ten, boys dorms, third door on the left, and YOU might appear in the Gryffindor Oracle!_

* * *

Ever been plauged by what to wear to Hogsmeade? Ever wondered what colors are in? Well, now you can get fasion advice from the queen of fasion herself... 

**Lion's Skin **

Summer is just around the corner and skirts are getting hot hot HOT! Long skirts have made a surprising comeback this year, especially back in fashion the classic crumpled pencil skirts that have that lovely little flair when you turn too fast. Skirts that are knee-length and flowing are back in, while the tight, constricting heavy fabrics are out with the winter cold.

Try adjusting your wardrobe for a more comfortable, natural look instead of manufactured glitter and slogan shirts. Plain coilored ribbed shirts or tanks over a skirt add a classic look, and if you get cold at night you can throw on a denim jacket or your boyfriend's cape for a fabulous addition. Stay away from heavy, clunky shoes.

Originality is back in style this semester as well. Layering bead necklaces, tall striped socks, big earrings, and crazy hats are all the rage as summer comes ever-closer towards us. The heat is coming back, so cool down in style!

This has been Alice Remerta with Lion's Skin, the Gryffindor fashion column. Need fasion advice? Need to know what to wear? Just ask Alice Remerta, dorm room 10, girl's side.

* * *

**Lioness Poem of the Day**

I am heaven sent,  
don't you dare forget.  
I am all you've ever wanted,  
what the other boys all promised.   
sorry I told. I just needed you to know.

* * *

******House Points Currently: **

Gryffindor: 399.99 repeating Hufflepuff: 314 Slytherin: 457 Ravenclaw: 238

* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 564, 30th edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra & Alice Remerta copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters.

* * *

******Notices:** Jeez. It's been waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy too long, guys. If I ever go this long without updating again, everyone go over to my livejournal and start bugging the hell out of me. You, my loyal fans, deserve better authors than me. Poem is from the everlovely everadored Brand New's _Okay, I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't_ and Moony questions are from various reviews stored in my inbox. You know who you are. 

******THE COUNTDOWN Continues...** with only two editions left! Checkout out WOO (Writing Of the Oracle) for anything you didn't know; there's a link to it in my bio, and it will be posted as chapter 34. Or something like that. It's been a long time.  
Chapter 33 (34, now) will be huge. There will be a section for reader comments, lots of poetry, memories, looking back on the year, what you think of the Oracle's first year being published in Gryffindor, etc. Feel free to submit any and all of these.


	33. 32nd Edition The Last Paper

Ever wonder what happened in the days of your favorite Marauders? Well, you're in luck, because the authoress found a stack of old papers going through her attic one day, and incidentally they proved to be the front pages of... 

**The Gryffindor Oracle **

**Hey, Hogwarts.**

This is, as you guys probably know, Sirius Orion Black, badguy, goodguy, prankster, Gryffindor forever. I've been writing this column all year, and it has been one of the greatest adventures. Latenights at the draft tables with Alice and Moony, as well as our occassional writers and press crew--Frank, James, Peter, Lily, Kenny, Arthur, Emma...you guys know who you are. And it's all of you. All of Gryffindor has helped make this paper, in one way or another. Without you guys, we wouldn't be here.

And this is about us. This is the end of the year. This is our last stand, our last dance. It's been a riot. Everything from green hair to rampaging demiguises to singing Slytherins to the infamous Lioness to Quidditch to underwear, sock, and green Jello crises. Animals in the bathroom, styrofoam, House-Elf wars... you guys know the stories. You _made_ the stories. I just had the privelege of writing them down and sharing them with everyone else.

This is the last edition of the Oracle. This is probably the only time you'll catch me pontificating like this; you know I'm not the thoughtful type. Tonight, I'm having a huge party in the Gryffindor common room and all you guys are invited. But I just wanted to take a minute and say thanks.

Thanks for making this such a great year.

* * *

Hogwarts students have problems, from O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s to boy/girl relationships to Potions homework. To help Gryffindor students with their problems, you can... 

**Ask Moony**

**Note from Moony:** Yes, I am aware it is the last week, and that _everyone_ is becoming sickeningly sentimental. I am trying to provide a heaping spoonful of sarcasm to counteract the love that is going rotten in the air. I must add, to all those who love to point out how heartless I am, that all my advice has been given in fun. I only make fun of you because I love you. Am I getting sentimental? Noo! Before I slip anymore into horrible cliches, onto the column...

Dear Moony,  
Did you know that a young couple in New York named Natalie Jeremijenko and Dalton Conley recently renamed their four-year-old son Yo Xing Heyno Augustus Eisner Alexander Weiser Knuckles Jeremijenko-Conley?  
-Name-Crazy in Ravenclaw

Dear Name-Crazy in Ravenclaw,  
WERD, snoogans.  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
What is snot, really?  
-Curiously Gross

Dear Curiously Gross,  
Your mom!  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
Don't you think it's a little late in the year to start the your mom jokes?  
-Padfoot

Dear Padfoot,  
_You've_ been doing your mom jokes all year.  
...and so has your mom!  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
Can I live with you this summer?  
-Padfoot

Dear Padfoot,  
No.  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
Whhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyy not!  
-Padfoot

Dear Padfoot,  
Stop invading my column. You have your own. It's not my fault you chose to whine sentimentally in yours and want to be immature in mine. Besides, you're staying with James.  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
Maybe the hokey-pokey really _is_ what it's all about.  
-Philosophically Inclined

Dear Philosophically Inclined,  
Your mom does the hokey-pokey.  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
I love you!  
-Dying To Say It

Dear Dying To Say It,  
Feel better now? Too bad this is an **anonymous letter!**  
Moony

Dear Moony,  
Will you miss us at all?  
-Sad

Dear Sad,  
You know, I could throw you a bone here and say I will miss each and every Gryffindor heart that somehow touched my life even though I didn't know half of your names and faces...  
but probably, only half of you. Only a little bit. But yes, a little bit.  
Moony

Thanks for the laughs, guys.

Making like a fetus at the end of the year and heading OUT,

**Moony**

* * *

**Seventh Year Will**

As the only seventh-year on the newspaper staff, I consider it my duty and duly in keeping with status of Editor to print the last and final **Seventh Year Will**, a complicated compilation of wishes of all the seventh years. So, without further ado...

We, the **Gryffindor Seventh Years of Hogwarts**, being of seventy-two bodies and sixty-six point six repeating minds, do will to first years: the right to never again be called 'ickle firsties' by us. To the Quidditch team: the right and responsibility to beat Slytherin (and all others who oppose you) mercilessly on broomsticks whenever the chance presents itself. To the teachers: the right to never see us again and the privelege of never having to decipher our homework. We know this saddens you. To Pringle, you snot-faced slimeball: the right to clean up our muddy footprints on our way out the door. To Dumbledore we leave our loyal devotion and heartfelt goodbyes, as well as the stash of lemon drops we have hidden in the third floor broom closet. To the House-Elfs we leave sushi. To the mice, we leave cheese. To the newspaper staff, we offer lots of cafe latte. To the third floor boys dorm, we leave shaving cream, and to the Square Table Club, we leave the fourth floor girls dorm. To the magic shoelace, we leave our prayers. May Jesus play his electric guitar loud. To YO, our lovechild and that one hamster, we leave two thirds of a piece of pencil lead. You'll appreciate it. And to the entire Gryffindor house, we leave Hogwarts. Use it wisely, use it well. **Never forget. Keep it alive.**

Yours always,  
**The Gryffindor Seventh Years Of Hogwarts**

* * *

**Lioness Poem of the Day**

Here's to the nights we felt alive.  
Here's to the tears we knew we'd cry.  
Here's to tonight...tomorrow's gonna come too soon.

* * *

**Final House Point Count:** Gryffindor: 438  
Slytherin: 437  
Ravenclaw: 436 Hufflepuff: 435

* * *

All Materials Copyright The Gryffindor Oracle, volume 27,456, 32nd edition--all character copyright JK Rowling. Aladdin Niadra & Alice Remerta copyright Abigail Nicole, as well as any minor characters.

* * *

**Notices:** Aw. I love you guys. Forgive any chapter inconsistencies...well, it's over. 

WERD, snoogans is from SFW even though none of you read this, you guys own me and forever will. Poem is from Eve 6, of course, and that random fourth year who said it at camp and summed up the feeling so accurately.

And I listened to Jet's CD _Get Born_ obsessively while writing this. In case anyone cares. And my TIP playlist.


End file.
